A Small Victory

excuses, excuses

I knew it wouldn't be long before something like this would happen.

Cary Cimino, a former Bear Stearns partner who faces 10 years in prison when he's sentenced today for securities fraud, has asked the judge to be lenient with him because he was traumatized by the events September 11.

Psychoanalyst Alvin Kulick said that Cimino suffered a dysfunctional childhood, was "traumatized" by incarceration after his original arrest and was pushed over the top by Sept. 11. Kulick said he was particularly worried about Cimino's dreams, which "took on a more nightmarish quality."

Kulick said Cimino "identified with the people who jumped. He was one of the doomed people jumping. He felt he was trapped in a deadly place, helpless, and could only escape by hurling himself out, even if it meant death."

Dr. Robert Goldstein wrote that Cimino was experiencing Sept. 11 "flashbacks.... Incarceration would be extremely traumatic."

Well if that's the case, maybe I should send a letter to my creditors telling them I, too, was traumatized that day and shouldn't have to be forced to pay my debts because I'm having nightmares.

Didn't finish that term paper? Forgot to pay a parking ticket? Murdered your next door neighbor? Now you have a handy-dandy excuse at the ready.

This Cimino fellow seems like such a decent guy, too. He obviously has a great sense of humor:

Complicating matters is a taped 1999 conversation at Sparks Steak House, where Cimino was overheard conspiring to have a suspected informant murdered. On tape, Cimino discusses having a gangster "put a gun in [the informant's] hand, put it in his mouth, pull the trigger, make it look like a suicide."

Cimino's defense was that he was just kidding around.

The judge should look Cimino straight in the eye and say "your defense has moved me. I understand your post traumatic nightmares and I totally agree that incarceration would just add to your problems. Haha, just kidding around. You're so screwed!"

Kulick said Cimino "identified with the people who jumped. He was one of the doomed people jumping. He felt he was trapped in a deadly place, helpless, and could only escape by hurling himself out, even if it meant death."

Yea, that's pretty much what prison is going to feel like.