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blogging squirrels

blogging squirrels

The air is cool, the leaves are starting to change, and fall, at least in mind if not on the calendar, is here.

The only thing I don't like about autumn is the acorns plopping from the tree every few minutes, banging against the house like war drums. The squirrels tend to gather outside my bedroom window, and they scream at each other as they fight for each acorn that falls. Yes, squirrels scream. They are mean and petty and will fight each other to the death over one little tiny nut. Last year, I saw a squirrel fall off of a tree limb as he lost his balance when another squirrel went after him. I swear to you, the other squirrel was laughing.

So when I was laying in bed today, listening to them chatter and fight, I got to thinking about blogging squirrels. You know, they crawl into their little cubbies in the tree, and sit at their little squirrel computers (they use a splitter to intercept my cable connection), and blog.

9/14/02

"leave my nuts alone"

I can't believe this shit. Every time I try to get some acorns to store, that bastard from the tree next door is right behind me. I think he's spying on me. I need to store as many nuts as possible because I hear that the crows from the yard across the street are planning a takeover of our tree. The lead squirrel put our danger threat at Level 2: Orange, and while I think he's overreacting, one can never be too sure. Those crows are sneaky, dangerous creatures. I'm going to gather as much food as a I can just to play it safe. I know that stupid squirrel that keeps going after my acorns thinks we should try to make peace with the crows, but he just doesn't realize how impossible that is. He is gonna be so sorry when we are under attack by the birds and I'm sitting here in my hole with enough food to get me through and all he has is that one acorn he stole from me. Dumb liberal.

Posted by: Rocky
7:56 a.m/comments (0)/trackback (0)

I need to lay off the cold medicine or get more sleep.

Posted by on September 14, 2002 07:51 AM |

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Comments

and you remember my ex? yeah, t hat's right, the brunette squirrel with the stripe that went right down to the end of her tail? Can you bleive the bitch ahs gone and shacked up with Mr Hazlenut? Well, we all know what that means.

Posted by: g | September 14, 2002 08:37 AM

Hahahahaha. I'm watching leaves fall today, and this is very funny and timely. I think the squirrels are patching themselves into my cable modem, as well. That would explain the little footprints by the box.

Posted by: Nancy | September 14, 2002 09:41 AM

Around here, we have racoons that go at it in the middle of the night; scary sounding!

Posted by: Scott | September 14, 2002 10:46 AM

squirrel warbloggers. and that's NyQuil you're on? gotta get me some of that!

Posted by: kd | September 14, 2002 11:21 AM

Bothered by squirrels?

One word: Squirrel-A-Whirl!

(OK, one hypenated word. It still counts.)

Posted by: BtC | September 14, 2002 12:34 PM

September 14, 2002:

I got that bitch who walks under my tree all the time. It took me a few weeks and a lot of wasted acorns, but I finally got her. That stupid two-legs thinks she can walk under my tree whenever she wants! Yeah, she'll think twice about it now that her noggin is aching from the acorn beaning I gave her.

Posted by: Mean Squirrel | September 14, 2002 01:25 PM

I got some tourist one day out in Wash. state. He was wearing a long green overcoat and jeans, and he got out of one of those big things that roll. Funny thing was, it was right in front of a sign that said "Squirrels bite," but did he notice? Ha! I got him about halfway up, and boy did he look surprised!

Posted by: Linkmeister | September 14, 2002 01:47 PM

Wow. I had no idea that the life of squirrels was so lurid.

Posted by: jadedju | September 14, 2002 03:00 PM

BobtheCorgi has a post about an interesting squirrel device.

Posted by: kd | September 14, 2002 05:40 PM

oh look, i didn't even see BtC's comment. i'm lame.

Posted by: kd | September 14, 2002 09:38 PM

I am so getting one of those squirrel whirl things, and then I will laugh like hell when Ms. Mean Squirrel and her cohort up there spin and spin and spin to their morbid deaths.

Posted by: michele | September 14, 2002 09:42 PM

Y'all are eating the wrong foods, if you want to bug the two-legs. Go for the pine cones. And be sure the sharp little outer parts end up on the sidewalk where the long-haired two-legs walks barefoot. And put plenty on the sidewalk around the pool!

Posted by: sue | September 14, 2002 09:44 PM

yeah i can handle this nut in this palm tree biggest nut EVER i dare that wacky squirrel across the street to even think about touching this monster yeah im gonna get it down from here yeah its mine mine mine just a coupla more nibbles and this baby's gonna SNAP THUD

)(&*&^$&$#$# two legs! Broke my nut with its head! No, wait, that's the two leg head thats broken i think my nut is okay...

Posted by: floridasquirrel | September 21, 2002 10:41 PM