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wedding tale, part 3

A wedding tale, part 3: Hang the DJ

(when I say "DJ" in this post I am referring not to my son, but to the tacky man who played some really horrid music at my wedding)

We had gone through the trouble of making a playlist. We burned three cds. We talked to him on the phone and told him what we wanted and what we didn't want. Little did I know that in the end, it doesn't even matter.

I assume he was being condescending when he said "yes, mmhmm" to all my requests. Meanwhile he was probably doodling the lyrics to YMCA in his notebook.

I understand that we had to entertain the guests. I know what a party is. And I would have been ok with the occasional disco song and the 50's doo-wop and the 70's novelty songs.

I also understand that the guests did not like our choice of music. The over-50 crowd was none too pleased by Faith No More and Butthole Surfers. Which leads me to believe that people just fear the unknown and automatically dismiss wha they don't understand. Because those over-50 people were sure smiling and grooving in their seats when AC/DC came on. I guess it has to be popular to be entertaining.

I could have lived with all that, honestly. He did manage to get a Jay-Z song on for me, which raised a few eyebrows, and some Radiohead, which raised Chris's eyebrows. But there were moments of utter disbelief.

The Electric Slide was one of them. I specfically said no line dancing songs. But the DJ pointed out to me how much the whole crowd (read: 5 dancing aunts and some cousins) was enjoying it so much.

The Macarena was unforgivable. I noticably cringed when I heard the opening strains to the song. I almost cried when about twenty people got up on the deck and danced, proving that the DJ knew what was best for the crowd.

I started playing a little game with myself. Do a shot of tequila every time the DJ plays something I asked him not to. Do a shot of tequila every time Chris and Nancy looked at each other with that "I am so blogging this" look. Now you know why I was completely shitfaced. Blame the DJ.

At one point we were sitting at a table, enjoying pleasant conversation among our guests when we (and all the neighbors) heard blaring from the speakers:

OH.MY.GOD.BECKY, LOOK AT HER BUTT!

I was mortified. Horribly, completely mortified. This deserved a double shot. Chris and Nancy looked at Justin and then looked at me and I in turn looked at the DJ as if to say "You think this is ok, Biz Markie isn't??" So a couple of people got up on the deck and shook their butts and I said out loud that perhaps Spinal Tap's Big Bottom would be next. And there was Natalie next to me, giggling that she requested Sir-Mix-A-Lot. I chased her around for about one minute before I remembered that drinking and running don't mix.

Believe it or not, that was not the lowlight of the afternoon. Not by a longshot. The ultimate moment of despair came in the middle of the party, when the first few notes of God Bless the USA. Not even the Shania Twain or J-Lo selections could have caused me more distress than the refrain of that song did.

The drunker I got, the more I enjoyed the 80's brand of disco and rock the DJ started spinning after Justin threatened him with castration. We grooved to Kiss and The Vapors and Devo some other things that are a bit fuzzy in my mind right now. I think, and I can't be sure but I bet one of my sisters or Bonnie will be happy to tell you if I'm right - that I did dance to the YMCA. I blame the tequila, I blame the DJ, I blame Justin for making me so damn happy that I could dance to anything.

We still have our 3 burned cds - one slow, one medium and one a bit heavier. I'll post the track listings later and if anyone would like a copy of one of them as a sort of wedding favor, just let me know. My thanks for not laughing at me.

Because you're not laughing. Right?

Comments

No. Not me. Nooo sir.
snicker

I once attended a Wedding DJ seminar. The lecturer told the DJs to play something nice even when doing the sound check. "Don't play Baby Got Back," he specifically said.

Here's what you should do. Print out this article:
http://www.djtimes.com/original/djmag/apr01/cheese.htm
Highlight the relevant mistakes and fax it to your DJ.

I, on the other hand, would have smashed the tequila bottle over his head at the wedding.

And waste good tequila? I should have thrown his equipment in the pool.

But surely you'd emptied at least one by the time Sir Mix-A-Lot hit the turntable?

You didn't pay this dickweed, did you? Because you shouldn't.

i wouldn't have paid him. you gave instructions and he ignored them. i would love a copy of the heavy one. =)

Dammit - I had fun dancing to YMCA with you!! You looked so cute stumbling as you were messing up the letters and spelling Y, something that looked nothing like a M, U (which I guess was supposed to be C), and A which always ended up looking like a T!!! Happy fun times were had by all!

I was actually trying to spell out "YOU SUCK" to the DJ.

(by the way, I'm extending my vacation for the rest of the week, so I won't be in until Tuesday)

I miss you terribly!! I won't be in next week at all - going to Florida.

I would have loved the big butt song. I would have been so happy.

When I get married in Mexico just a tad past NEVER, I'll walk up the beach to the big butt song, and I will have already been wasted on the tequila.

You're dad requested God Bless America?

My sympathies!!!!!

I had the exact same experience with my DJ at my wedding -- burned CDs (2), clearly labeled which was to be our first dance, my dance with my Dad, etc. Entire thing got kiboshed and he played what he wanted -- it was a close friend's stepfather, to boot, so I couldn't yell at him. I mostly asked for things nicely, but twice, though, I got up his nose -- the first when he started to play my "dance with Dad" song completely out of nowhere, during dinner ("This is the song for my dance with my father. Could you take this off -- NOW?") and second, toward the end of the reception ("Our reception is almost over and my friends are beginning to leave. We'd like to hear the songs that we burned and actually wanted to listen to...") He made us nuts. :/

Oh, and did I mention that the "announcer guy" he brought sounded like he had emphysema? He was a new guy that our DJ wanted to work with, so he chose our wedding to test him out... >:/

Laughing? Uh, no. No, not at all. I sat here in a most diginified fashion, horrified that things didn't work exactly to a T there. Yeah, that's it! I didn't even mention that I probably would have paid to see that string of events, as I am a model of restraint. Or something.

Why did I have the Dead Milkmen's "You'll Dance to Anything" going through my mind while reading the YMCA bit? ducks

You left out what an asshole he was, esp. to the kids. :P I hope you don't mind that Chris and I laughed so much about the way he hijacked your reception. It was just so over the top, particularly the "Funky-style Hokey Pokey," which you also did, if you don't recall. ;) Thanks again for a great time.

Thanks for the public reminder of that. I had mercifully forgotten.

P.S. - He guilted the crowd into the Electric Slide by implying we were ruining your wedding by not dancing to it. He kind of reminded me of the smarmy friend in "The Wedding Singer."

Just so you know, I paid the D.J. & since I was paying, the entire crowd was going to enjoy themsleves, not just the bride & groom. the d.j. happens to be a friend who took all orders from the bitch with the cash. dont kill the d.j., he did what he was told & everyone and i mean eveyone, had a good time.

So I should kill you instead?

you would be lost without me!!!

ahhh - an "I hate line dances soulmate" You should see them in a hick town in oklahoma. Invariably there is some girl in cow print rockies that thinks it is mandatory to lunge down and slap the floor after every quarter turn in the electric slide. And what - no "stroke it the east and stroke it the west...."? where is clarence when you need him.

Could be worse. Went to a wedding here in Boston where the DJ made us form a circle, join hands, and then sprang that "USA" song on us.

I'd never heard it before. Neither had the groom's family.

They were all Canadians...

All I could think was how much my old friend Chris would have hated that song had he survived Tower A.

I had a very similar experience with my DJ. Thing is, the favors were a 2-disk set of songs we had chosen. And for them to be more memorable they were to be mostly played at the reception. He got to about 6 of them. He screwed up everything... EVERYTHING he was supposed to do. Including the announcements.. whoo.. every name was wrong. Even though I wrote him a script that included PHONETICALLY spelled versions of any names that might have been a problem. -- Want to swap CD sets? Send me your address. Mine: PO Box 570, Lahaska, PA 18931

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