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canadians don't eat fast food?

canadians don't eat fast food?

Dear Canadian Friend,

Thank you for your lovely letter. It really makes my heart swell to see how neighbors can exchange ideas and feelings so freely.

But people who live in glass igloos should not throw snowballs. Or something like that.

While America may be the evil oppressor of all things good and environmentally sound, while we may be dark and sinister and subversive and living a toxic lifestyle, Canada is really to blame for the downfall of Western Civilization.

The evidence:
Celine Dion
The Moffats
Corey Hart
Bryan Adams
Crash Test Dummies
Margot Kidder
Rich Little
Tom Green
Jim Carrey
Alan Thicke
Alanis Morissette
Sum 41
Paul Shaffer
Bret Hart
Patrick Roy
Peter Jennings
Alex Trebeck
James Cameron

Seriously, all the poisoned rivers and secret government agencies in the world could not make up for the damage that Celine Dion alone has done to my delicate senses. And while Kids In The Hall may make up for some of Canada’s less stellar contributions to the world at large, it is all wiped out by the massive shadow formed by Wayne Gretzky’s ego.

Oh, and how many burgers and fries does your 5 dollars buy?

disclaimer: this is in no way meant as a swipe at my Canadian friends, but just a tongue-in-cheek commentary to something that really doesn't deserve a reply. While I would never defend the *cough* integrity *cough* of George Bush or the War on Drugs or toxic food, I will defend to the death the integrity of my ass when someone calls it fat.

Comments

Nickelback!!! Don't forget that shitpile.

Red Green more than makes up for all of them.

loverboy. shudder

what if they called it only a little fluffy? :-)

Awww, what's wrong with Jim Carrey and Bryan Adams? Your words cut like a knife. ;-)

As a Canadian, I can honestly say that Bryan Adams sucks big time. And I can't tell you how sorry I am that Celine Dione exists. Please accept my humble apologies. I am embarassed for my entire country that in his letter to America, whatever-his-name-is actually had the stones to criticize you guys for things Canadians do in equal measure. Does he really think Canadians avoid McDonalds? I think not.

P.S. Alex Trebeck rules.

You forgot the biggest offender: William Shatner.

Doug Henning. 'Nuff said.

Alanis Morissette is, if anything, proof of the opposite.

Let's find him...I'll call 1-10 to see if it's him, others sign up for the rest.

I say when we find him, we tie him down and make him eat Canadian bacon and listen to Celine until both his brain and his stomach explode.

I'll take 11-20.

Well, I can't really agree with Alanis, Bryan, Peter or Alex being on that list, but the rest of it seems pretty accurate. But you forgot that bitch Anne Murray, too.

(BTW -- the Baltimore Chronicle, despite its claims of its 30 year history, is rather obscure. I hadn't heard about it until last week, and I've lived in the Baltimore/DC area for just over 10 years.)

At least Rush was spared. Oh crap, maybe I shouln't have said anything.

You forgot Pamela Anderson!

I grew up in Ottawa. I've seen all the phases of Alanis (Morissette). It wasn't pretty. I humbly apologize for any mental/emotional distress she, or any other misguided and/or evil Canadian may have caused you.

We're not all bad!

Blame Canada! :)

ahem

Mike Meyers, baby, yeah!

Ach, face it, all cultures have shit and all cultures have brilliance. We're just siblings bickering at this point about who broke mom's favourite lamp. Or maybe we're neighbours, jealous of the lawn and SUV on the other side of the fence (both ways).

It's not like the US has cornered the market on stupidity, clearly Canada has its own booming industry.

Jerry Lewis
Tammy Faye Baker
Ross Perot
McDonalds, B.K. etc.
Processed cheese product
Supersizing
SUV's

Yeah.... and it's Canada that's bringing down Western Civilization? Uh huh!

On a slightly more disturbing note,
should you get the chance, read "Fast-food Nation". It might open your eyes a bit more than is comfortable but it's a very interesting read nonetheless..
Oh, and while I'm nattering on about books... The Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy trilogy (in five volumes)is worth reading but for completely different reasons. ;-)