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pardon the schmaltz

pardon the schmaltz

I was engaged once, a long time ago, to a psychotic egomaniac. My father offered me a Corvette to call off the wedding, but I was a stubborn idiot and turned him down. I eventually called it off, but too late for the grand prize. I settled for escaping with my sanity as the second place parting gift.

On the day I married my ex, my father and I pulled up to the church in a limo and I sat there, frozen solid. My father said that it wasn't too late, I should just say the word and he would have the limo driver take off. I didn't have to go in. But I did.

Father does always know best. It just takes a long time to learn that. Sometimes the lessons are very hard.

Next week, one week from this very day, I will be getting married again. My father has not offered me cash or a quick getaway in a limo this time. He has, on the other hand, told Justin there is still time for him to run like the wind. He's kidding, of course. Really.

I've been asked, what makes this wedding day different than the last? What makes me so sure this time when I wasn't sure last time? What makes me think that I can do this all over again and do it right, so that I don't have make people give me gifts for an occassion which will be committed to memory by a divorce decree?

Sometimes it takes making mistakes to learn the truth. Somtimes it takes mistaking need for love and control for concern to help you learn.

When I stood on the altar in May of 1989, it was in the mistaken belief that I was marrying someone who loved me. I realize only now, so many years later, that a person who is so selfish and self-obsessed can never truly love anyone else.

I used to look at couples, even my parents, and see them hold hands and whisper sweet things to each other and giggle and just enjoy the comfort of the presence of one another. I heard couples talk about how they slept cuddled up or spooned, how they sat in their living rooms at night and just talked to each other, how they surprised one another with little gifts that cost pennies but meant a whole lot.

I wondered why we didn't have that. I thought perhaps it would come in time, that a comfortable level of love like that comes with age and wisdom and experience.

But we never held hands. We barely slept in the same room. We never, ever sat around and talked because nothing I had to say was important enough to listen to. At least not as important as his hobby, the hobby that took over his life and our bank accounts.

I didn't think marraige meant being sad all the time. I didn't know it meant being alone. I realized at some point I had it all wrong. Not when I made the concious decision to leave him, not when I signed the divorce papers. I didn't realize how wrong I had it until I met Justin.

I know now about holding hands and giggling and secret words and long talks. I know about shared passions and sleeping as one and getting lost in each other's eyes. I know now what it means to give of oneself, to support and cheer on and have those things done for you, also. I know what it's like to be loved.

So when I am standing there next Sunday, holding Justin's hands in mine and pronouncing my love and devotion to him, it will be without worry, without question, without that tinge of fear that colored my last wedding.

Next week I will marry the only person who has every truly loved me for who and what I am, complete with all my flaws and imperfections. I will marry the only person who has ever made me feel as if forever really means something.

Today, and for all my tomorrows, I consider myself the luckiest person on the face of the earth. I finally got that grand prize.

Comments

Tissue! I need a tissue! sniffle

Michele, that is so beautiful, so true about what love is truly like. I am so very happy for the both of you and wish you both many shared happy loving lifetimes of love. Now if you'll excuse I have to hunt down a box of kleenex.

michele, that is so beautiful. you are truly lucky to have found him.

I have been beaten to the "beautiful" comments, but will add to them!!!

I can only wish the pair of you a long and happy married life - you certainly deserve it. Yes, you will almost certainly have your 'ups & downs', but you will be there for each other and that is the most important thing.

Will be thinking of you next Sunday, and wishing you everything you wish yourselves.

Ann.

Oh man, you've got me all weepy this Sunday morning, too. That was so beautiful. Congratulations seems like such a small word when referring to the very momentous event of finding the person you want to grow old with, but I'm gonna throw it out there anyway. Congratulations, I wish you nothing but love and happiness. :)

warm, hearfelt congratulations ... to both of you.

you deserve the grand prize.

yippeeeee!

Good for both of you. Next Sunday I'll raise a mai-tai for you and the party-goers.

Was that a deliberate Gehrig reference? :)

goosebumps.
thank you for sharing that, it was something i really needed to read right now.

congratulations to you both.

Congratulations - all the very best!

here's to a lifetime of cuddling, bickering, and loving. congrats and good luck!

sniff beautiful, michele. i'm so happy for you.

I give it a year.

HAHAHA

:* I wish I could be there for you guys. It'll be up to Baz then to get sloshed and dance on tables.

Seriously, Your first sounds so much like my first. I want to have this someday. With Justin, no, I'm kidding. With YOU.

Good luck and god speed little buckaroos.

Michelle, I was literally moved to tears by your post. I'm in about the same place in my life. I bid a fond farewell to my old life with my ex-husband 2 years ago, and in 31 days I'm going to marry the man I was supposed to be with all along. Best wishes to you, Justin, Natalie and DJ. I hope your future is as wonderful as the four of you are.

You have to put sniffle warnings on these. When I see others that have what we do, I feel so incredibly happy that we're not the only ones...and so blessed for what we've got. Here's to more happiness than you can even comprehend six years further on down the road like us!

You deserve this - you deserve the best! I am so happy for you and Justin! Relax, enjoy and have FUN marrying the one who makes you complete! (Such a corny line but it is true!)

Awwwwwwww!
That is sooooo sweet.
Makes me all drippy (from the eyes, nat').

i sit here, thinking of the right words to say. i know they around here somewhere yet much of it has been said already, if i say it again does it become an assertion, redundant or just plain annoying?

love is..i don't know what love is. well not anymore anyway, a while ago i thought i did, yet i am still young, still many stones left unturned, maybe some day i'll know. but if love is how you describe it, i pray it knocks on my door someday yet i am afraid if my bitterness and fear might push it away.

i end things, things that need to be ended, i close off from the world becuase the world is evil and cruel, i close off and hide because he tells me i am unlovable. my honesty has made me ugly.

i cross my fingers for you, i want to say that but i know i don't need to. you have already found what you've needed, you've filled up the emptiness, you're dancing to that beat and singing to that rhyme. i am so happy for you, you are one of the most beautiful people i know and it makes me feel good to know that somewhere out there there is still hope.

here's to you both, may every day from today be the best of your life.

love you.

hugs

I love a happy ending. I'll be thinking the best for you next Sunday!

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bairontechnologiesforall
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Hello. If you are owner of this site, delete this message, please.

bairontechnologiesforall
bairontechnologiesforall
http://www.bairontechnologiesforall.biz