mommy, what's a blowjob?
mommy, what's a blowjob?
Natalie has been mingling with the older kids at basketball camp. I picked her up today and the following conversation took place on the way home:
Mom, the older girls say a lot of curses when they talk.
Well, I don't know what some of them mean.
You don't have to know. Mostly curses are just a way of venting, they don't mean anything at all.
No, not that kind of cursing. I mean, cursing that means stuff.
I'm not following you.
Ok, if you let me say the curses, just this once, then I can explain what I mean.
But...but....you can help me so I don't look like such a dork during lunch tomorrow!
Fine. Just this once.
Ok, so, like, they were talking about this show on tv, and one girl says 'everyone on that show is either gay or a lesbian or bi." I mean, I know what gay and lesbian are, but what's bi?
Ok, first of all, that's not a curse.
I didn't get to the curses yet.
So what does it mean?
It means you go both ways. You date either guys or girls.
Ok. Bi. Like in two. I get it. Ok, so. What does it mean when they say that two people are umm....you know.....
No, I don't know. Spell it.
(sound of brakes squealing as the sound of that word coming out of my daughter's mouth makes me almost miss a red a light)
I said spell it!!!
Whatever. What does it mean?
It means they are having sex, but not in a nice, loving sex way.
Ok, so when one of the girls today said "I want to fuck him..."
(I swerve into other lane while I choke on Gatorade)
Do you really need to know this stuff, Natalie?
You said I could talk to you about anything, anytime, Mom. Remember?
Yea, you're right. So when she says that, that means she ummm..wants to have sex with him. But she might not really mean it, what she probably means is she has the hots for him.
Oh. She also said she wants to paddle his buttocks.
Yea and then she said something really weird. She said she wants to blow him.
What does that mean?
What does what mean?
Blow. That she wants to blow him.
I think we need to finish this conversation some other time. Like when I'm not driving in traffic.
But mom! I know what that means, that means we will never get to finish this! I'm starting 7th grade next month! What if I'm in a situation where I need to know this stuff???
I pull off to the shoulder, stop the car, and turn and look her right in the eyes.
Natalie, if you ever, at any point in 7th grade, are in a "situation" where you need to know what blow or fucking means, I swear to every freaking god in the land that you will be in a convent the next day!
What? The nuns are going to teach me what blowing a guy means?
I'm really not any good at this at all.