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tether go snap!

weekend photoshop/caption contest in full swing


tether go snap!

The Cainer horoscope for Virgo (via Melly)

How will you know when you have reached the end of your tether? That is no easy question to answer. Your tether appears to be made of Lycra. You can pull it a long way before it suddenly snaps back. And then, there is the issue of what your tether is tied to. The anchorage point itself has a degree of flexibility in it. Thus, sometimes, you can cope with a surprisingly large amount of unnecessary aggravation. You have done pretty well this week. You do not have to put up with any more.

You see that? I don't have to put up with any more. I don't have to.

The tether has snapped, baby. It has snapped so hard and so loud they heard it in Ohio.

Yea, I did pretty well this week. I put up with all the unecessary aggravation.

I didn't kill anyone.

I didn't bang my head against the wall enough to do any real damage.

I didn't curse more than usual.

But the tether has snapped. It's coming hard and fast at me, ready to snap back at my face but I'm holding out my clenched fist. And when what's at the other end comes headed this way, staying in motion in accordance with that law that says it must, and it comes up against my fist, it will hurt. It will hurt like a bastard. Break my tether, I break your face, ok?

Someone picked the wrong time to be messing with me. I am one angry motherfucker right now. Emotional terrorism of children should be punishable by death.

You are the Arafat of my world. You are beyond reason, beyond hope, beyond seeing anything but what's in that dark abyss between your ears. I've tried the peace talks. You can't talk peace with a person who lives his life only according to his needs and wants, and damn anyone who tells him that his ways are harmful and mean.

You do not have to put up with any more. That's what this Cainer person just told me. And it must be true because I read it on the internet. I have his permission.

I'm trying to find a way to bang someone's head on the ground until it splits open and spills out all the pebbles that formed his cranium and get away with it.

I'm trying to calm down.

Eventually (after 14 cigarettes and two of those carbonated malt beverage type things) the hatred simmers down and turns into pity.

I've won this round. I have. But what was lost in the battle was just not worth it.

Small victories, indeed.

Comments

Just wanted to say hi and that I was thinking of you. I had one of those days too. My tether has definitely snapped.

grasp a spork in your right hand.
press your thumb onto the back of the bowl until the head snaps off with a satisfying "SNAP!"
release the handle with some force.
repeat.
numerous times.
mail the broken pieces to an endangered species.

there. don't you feel better?

Can you use the tether to pop them one on the backside? Maybe attach something to the end to leave a welt?

...when did I start channelling Kali Ma...?