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play along with the bad day blog

play along with the bad day blog

You know it's going to be one of those days when:

    One of your first actions of the day is to tell someone that you are going to poke their eye out with a fucking ballpoint pen.

    You find yourself repeatedly banging your head on the desk.

    Your entire morning is spent dealing with attorneys.

    You decide it would be better to poke your own eyes out with the pen.

    The idea of a liquid lunch is sounding very good.

    You forget to bring your cds in the car and the only radio station that's playing music is having a Creed fest.

    You get to work and realize you have no idea how you got there.

    Three words: bad hair day.

Add on....


Maybe scraping their eyes out with a spork would lighten up your day? ;)

You hit every damn light on the way into work and get behind some jackass going 2 on the highway.


I absolutely, despise my so-called "boss". Our work day is 8:30-4:30. She gets here around 9:45 - but her day still hasn't begun.

First, she needs to go to the ladies room to put on her face. Whatever it is she does, it doesnt help. She uses a can of hair spray a day on hair that looks like a helmet. Do you remember Fisher Price Little People - with the plastic hair? She was the model.

Then, she gets breakfast and eats it at her desk. Then she reads the paper. Then she goes online and reads shit about aliens. Then she goes online to balance her checkbook.

By 11:00, she's bushed. She goes to take a break. She actually puts her head down and snoozes in the break room. HER WORK DAY STILL HAS NOT BEGUN!

She'll get back from her 40 minute "15-minute break" and open like, Word or some other program so it looks like she's working. She stares out her window, like birds are some new fangled invention. She talks on her work phone and her cell phone at the same time - all personal calls. I once heard her say "Hi, this is Tina's mom. Have you seen her? She went out last night and I havn't heard from her yet. No? Oh, ok." her daughter was 15 at the time.

Did I mention that when she walks in, she doesnt even mutter a "good morning" to us? She sucks so bad. The CEO notices all of this shit, but says nothing. He can't admit he make a mistake hiring her (over 2 fucking years ago).

She takes 3 hour lunches - no exaggeration! 3 fucking hours! Wanna know what she does? She goes shopping and then... get this... pulls out a chair from her car, hikes up her already too-short skirt (she is NOT attractive), and tans herself. She comes back sweaty and stinking of perfume. She waits til about 10 minutes after we leave for the day to go home, so it looks like she's stays late, but we know better!

This isn't even the half of it, but I feel a little better now. THANKS!

Feh! You forgot the worst of all: Blogrolling has been down all morning, so I had no distractions from work...

Can you tell Lisa is my sister? The ability to repress anger does not run in our family.

Glad I could help, sis.

Oh yes, that's another thing. No links today.

I'm inventing new curse words.

What’s this, child? No links?

Methinks not.

You can tell it's going to be a bad day when:

You wake up in Utah.

You wake up at your parents house.

You think about going to get shawarmas for lunch, but you can't because you are in Utah and there are no Lebanese restaurants anywhere.

The reason you are in Utah and at your parents house is because you broke up with your ex-fiance/boyfriend last week.

You got the "I told you so" speech from your parents.

You have already been told twice by your parents that you need to put more clothes on.

When you told your mom that you were going to spend the night after a wedding with your best friend (you were both bridesmaids or helping with the reception) she replied, "You can sleep over at Jenny's if you go to church tomorrow." Keep in mind you weren't ASKING for permission, but letting said parent know as courtesy.

Your mom has already tried in the 48 or so hours since you first got back to get you to go to a "singles" ward activity in the hopes that you will meet somebody nice.

You had a conversation with your boyfriend the night before about your method of breaking up.

You realized that coming to Utah for moral support seems to have been a brilliant idea whose time should never have come.

You have no money.

(Can you tell I'm having a shitty week? But I have nobody to blame but myself.)

I could tell I was going to have a bad day when I woke up and realized that Bootsy Collins Kitty had decided that the cushion on my office chair was litterbox number two.

There are some things I will just not blog about, you people get these little gems in your comments.

Here, sweetie, maybe this'll make you feel better. It was good for me!

I knew it was going to be one of those days when:

  • My cat came back after four months with almost no tail and a bunch of fur missing. [She's OK, says the vet.]
  • Another cat threw up and ... you don't want to know about that.
  • We paid a mechanic $365 to make my girlfriend's $900 car salable.
  • My mother, in talking about our impending move said only, "You aren't moving that painting with the breast in it, are you?" [It's a lovely abstract, I swear to God.]
  • Two of my staff are in the hospital today for heart tests. Stressful work? Nah.

I left one out:

  • When you try to get to work but your street is blocked by a lot of men and matching white unmarked sedans. Some of the men have guns. It is not clear why.

Gads -- everyone has just had a shit week, haven't they? When you're driven to drink by 2 p.m., and you got up at noon...oy vey.