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1:00: kick my ash

1:00: kick my ash


Last two weeks worth of movies:

Reign of Fire: Sucked. Can't say much more than that.
The Others: Didn't suck too badly, I just hate movies that are nothing more than thin plot and surprise ending.
Ravenous: Almost got out of the sucky range, but parts of it were just too drawn out. If it was about a half hour shorter it would have been great.
Evolution: Yawn.
Royal Tennenbaums: For a film that starred three of my least favorite actors (Owen Wilson, Ben Stiller and Gene Hackman) it was pretty damn good.
Moulin Rouge: I fell asleep in the first ten minutes.
Muppet Movie: You cannot go wrong with this film. Timeless classic, always puts me in a good mood. Fozzie Bear tells the best jokes ever.
Follow That Bird: The darkest kid's movie ever. I am not kidding you. Watch it and tell me it's not dark. Poor Big Bird.

Air Bud baseball: Yes, I watched this movie. Blame the kids. Some franchises should be put to sleep before they get feeble, you know? I could have written this script while in a drunken coma. Yea, I know. It's Air Bud. I wasn't expecting Oscar caliber writing but I wasn't expecting such a piece of shit, either. Even the kids predicted what would happen next.

Which made me think. They should make realistic kids movies. Just to let them know the good guy doesn't always win, the nice kid doesn't always end up the hero and people don't always live happily ever after.

I want to see a baseball movie where the kid actually strikes out with the bases loaded and game tied in the bottom of the ninth.

I want to see a movie where the evil tyrant does not get his just rewards; instead he ends up victorious as the kid he stole the money/business/invention from cries himself to sleep.

I want to see a movie where the parents don't get back together or the lost dog never gets found or the bully is never made to suffer the consequences of his actions.

I want to see a movie that says to kids "Hey, reality bites! Life is not fair! Things don't always go your way! Hard work and perserverance will not always pay off in the end! Dude, the bully is ten times your size and meaner than you will ever be. Don't even bother trying to retaliate!"

I tried to get Natalie to watch Night of the Living Dead but she wouldn't sit through it. I told her if she expected me to sit through Crossroads and A Walk to Remember that she was going to have to sit through Dead Alive or Army of Darkness.


good choices for horror flicks.

I'll never forget the time I took my baby brother (I think he was 10 at the time) to Target or Wal-Mart, and I told him I'd buy him a video, and he picked out a sequel to THE 3 NINJAS. Which he proceeded to watch over and over again. I think this is the one with Loni Anderson as the villian.

Anyway, most kids movies suck. God, I grew up on a diet of the Love Bug, the Apple Dumpling Gang, and Pete's Dragon.

Follow That Bird freaked me the fuck out as a child.

I'm dead serious.

Actually, I think "Babe, Pig in the City" is WAY darker than "Follow That Bird". If you've never seen this film, definitely rent it and prepare to be flabbergasted/horrified.

I'm serious. This is the movie that left a room full of 30-something, hipper-than-thou, seen-it-all urban gay men speechless and shaking.

"Babe, Pig in the City": the only children's movie that includes a full body cavity search.