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I have been sleeping in only fits and starts.
When I do sleep, it's fitful and restless and filled with nightmares. In between those frantic dreams are the moments when I toss and turn or just lay there and stare into the darkness. Sometimes, like today, I just get up for the day at 3am because going back to sleep would only mean going back to the nightmares of lost children, dead bodies, running, running, running.
It's not the good kind of tired where you get all get giddy and goofy and loopy. It's the kind of tired that is wearing me down mentally. I feel sad and angry. I feel like crying. I'm sitting at my desk, listless and bored even though there's a huge pile of work that needed to be done yesterday.
I just want to sleep. I want deep, uninterupted sleep. I want to dream of candy mountains and fields of flowers and fuzzy, frolicking bunnies.
I've received more than my share of email today regarding the below post. If you people were so sure of your beliefs you would post your comments where everyone can see them, right here on the site. Instead, you email me your snide remarks and accusations. You do it every day. Maybe all the emails are from the same person, some rude miscreant who has 8,000 email addresses. Maybe not. Maybe I just irritate everyone in general.
I'm tired of this. I'm tired of feeling like I'm speaking to a wall. The same wall I keep running into head first. I'm tired of feeling like every day is a struggle to find something right with the world. And I'm mostly tired of people who refuse to engage in healthy, grown up debate and instead want to rake you over the coals without giving you a word edgewise.
I know it's the lack of sleep talking. I'm not as lethargic as my words make me sound. I'm not as depressed as it appears. Just....just don't bother me if you aren't going to listen to me talk when I'm done listening to you. Don't write me just to tell me that I'm an idiot or ignorant or I should be hung for treason without giving me factual reasons why this is true.
What's the point in speaking out and writing it all down in a public place if it's only going to get you death threats and name calling?
Being so tired physically makes me exhausted in every other way. People are exhausting me. The news is exhausting me. Just thinking about everything is exhausting me.
I feel like I could sleep for eight days straight. If only I could.