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well i never

Well I never

40.

Yes, I am still dwelling on the fact that I turn 40 next month. 40 years is such a long time. I've had all this time to develop a skill or find my niche or strike it rich or assasinate a world leader. How long do I have left to accomplish these things? What is midlife these days, anyhow? 40? 45? 35? Did I miss my window of opportunity for midlife crisis? I would have gone out and bought a convertible or had a lesbian affair.

So, what have I done with these 40 years that I've graced the earth so far?

Better yet, what haven't I done?

In 40 years:
I still have not improved upon my housecleaning skills.
I haven't discovered, invented or created anything. Summer camp ashtrays do not count as creations.
I haven't traveled outside the eastern seaboard of North America.
I have yet to kill anyone despite my constant braggings that I will.
I have never been arrested. I suppose that's a good thing. That's not to say I've never been in handcuffs.
I never had a broken bone or been hospitalized for something that wasn't reproductive related. Oh, I had my tonsils out when I was five. I still remember it. The hospital was more like a cage. I was five, where was I going to go?
I've never met a pizza I didn't like.
I've never grown past 5'2".
I never cheated on a significant other.
I never bungee jumped or skydived or participated in a daring, dangerous sport.
I never played on an organized sport team.
I never made an assasination attempt on a world leader. Not even to please a person I was stalking.
I never dove off of the high dive.
I never tried to get rid of my procrastination problem.
I never locked my sisters in a closet. I still owe them that one.
I was never sold to the gypsies like my mother said I would be one day.
I never turned down an offer of a free drink.

But mostly, in 40 years, I have never grown up.

That's a good thing, right?

Comments

But you are still the most updated blog on my new blogroll!

40 isn't so bad. Well, as long as it stays right there in the future and behaves itself.

In my 43 years I've never written anything as well as Michele.

Dude, nobody writes sex stories like you.

i recall one time, whilst chatting with the 'Zilla*, when we talked about how very cool thou art. let me reconstruct the convo. mind you, my memory is a bit fuzzy...

branOphelia: Michele rocks my socks off.
davezilla: yes. she rocks mine off as well.
branOphelia: how did she escape it?
davezilla: [says something witty in order to ask 'what do you mean by escape it'?]
branOphelia: growing up. getting old. she'll never grow old. how did she do it?
davezilla: [says something equally witty to show his agreement. as i am not a witty person we'll just have to use our imaginations here.]
branOphelia: i want to be like Michele when i grow up. if i grow up.
davezilla: me, too.

now, doesn't that put things into perspective? 40 or not, you're the coolest chick i know.

*reenactment based upon real and actual events.

summer camp ash trays don't count as creations - but those two great kids of yours do. Those two creations of yours are already two great additions to the world. Good job mom...

oh yes.... and never growing up yourself is an absolutely good thing!

hey, i just started blogging and i've enjoyed your site on practically daily basis. then i read it tonite and freaked! i'm turning 40 next month (19th) and i was just upstairs crying while tucking in my 8-yr old because my 18-yr old just informed me she's moving in with her bf and my 15-yr old informed me yesterday he doesn't want to spend summer here he'd rather be with his dad and i was having a major holding-back-a-huge-sobfest headache and thinking about all the things that I haven't done for both them and me, (*whew*) when i read that i am not the only one who is maybe scared about this mid-life thing. Thanks.

As the freaky little kid said to his son at the end of "The Tin Drumer": "I have a secret to tell you, no mater what they say you never have to grow up."
Damn, I am 41 and was playing with legos the other day. :)

Do you realize how much courage it takes to sit down and take inventory of your life the way you just did? Some people may never have the guts to do that.

aw, so what if you're almost 40? at least you've got that whole "sexual peak" thing going for you. men, we hit ours at 19... so i've been on the downslide for quite some time now... almost 15 years, even...

damn, i hate it when you try to cheer someone up, and you end up depressing yourself...

You've created beautiful children. Oh, and wonderful photographs too. I've seen them here, and they are great - so those count. See? You've created something.