well i never
Well I never
Yes, I am still dwelling on the fact that I turn 40 next month. 40 years is such a long time. I've had all this time to develop a skill or find my niche or strike it rich or assasinate a world leader. How long do I have left to accomplish these things? What is midlife these days, anyhow? 40? 45? 35? Did I miss my window of opportunity for midlife crisis? I would have gone out and bought a convertible or had a lesbian affair.
So, what have I done with these 40 years that I've graced the earth so far?
Better yet, what haven't I done?
In 40 years:
I still have not improved upon my housecleaning skills.
I haven't discovered, invented or created anything. Summer camp ashtrays do not count as creations.
I haven't traveled outside the eastern seaboard of North America.
I have yet to kill anyone despite my constant braggings that I will.
I have never been arrested. I suppose that's a good thing. That's not to say I've never been in handcuffs.
I never had a broken bone or been hospitalized for something that wasn't reproductive related. Oh, I had my tonsils out when I was five. I still remember it. The hospital was more like a cage. I was five, where was I going to go?
I've never met a pizza I didn't like.
I've never grown past 5'2".
I never cheated on a significant other.
I never bungee jumped or skydived or participated in a daring, dangerous sport.
I never played on an organized sport team.
I never made an assasination attempt on a world leader. Not even to please a person I was stalking.
I never dove off of the high dive.
I never tried to get rid of my procrastination problem.
I never locked my sisters in a closet. I still owe them that one.
I was never sold to the gypsies like my mother said I would be one day.
I never turned down an offer of a free drink.
But mostly, in 40 years, I have never grown up.
That's a good thing, right?