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fantasy island or musical nightmare?

Fantasy Island or musical nightmare?

What I did not do on my summer vacation:

I did not go to Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp.

I want to know what kind of person spends $5,000 to learn the music stylings of George Thorogood, Sheila E., members of the Billy Joel band, a former member of Foreigner and the lead singer of Styx.

Baby-faced, blond-haired Tommy Shaw has always had varying interests outside of STYX. For example, he's performed the National Anthem at a Cubs vs. Giants game at Wrigley Field in Chicago

So yes, my dear rock music wannabe stars! You can spend "fantasy" hours with the has-been lead singer of an annoying power pop group from the 70's whose interests besides over-earnerst lyrics and singing as if he has no balls include performing patriotic songs for baseball fans.

Oh wait, Vince Neil is going to be there, too! His first class will be called "Sucking in Twenty Different Ways" which will be taught in tandem with "Vehicular Manslaughter in Five Easy Steps."

Other seminars will include:

  • How to stage a comeback
  • How to recover from a failed comeback attempt
  • Turning criminal behavior into publicity opportunities
  • Latching on to the success of others
  • Recognizing when your career is over

That's right. For just $5,000 you too can live in the past, party with aged semi-stars, kick out the jams with guys who haven't picked up a guitar in ten years and listen to them bitch about how nobody appreciates real rock and roll anymore.

Personally, my own fantasy camp would have Henry Rollins, Mike Patton and Kylie Minogue. And it would have nothing to do with music.


Ya know, i saved up every penny i done earned pig poking to just be near Mr. Thorogood. It only took me 7 years to scrap up 5,000 darlers. my kids dunt eat or wash, but I'd done do it agin.


Dude, that would be my fantasy camp, too.

Rollins and Minogue... together at last for my sexual satisfaction!

you rawx my world. :) even if you are a smutty monkey.

I might spend some dollars to be in the same room as Sheila E and her glow in the dark drumsticks.

I need the glamorous life.

So basically, they're just preparing them all for an episode of "Behind The Music," since we all know how formulaic that show is:

- Band struggles to make it big
- Band has hit single
- Band is on top of the world
- Band struggles to deal with its fame
- Bandmembers turn to drugs
- Band develops internal strife
- Band goes on "hiatus" or bandmember dies from drug overdose
- Band suddenly discovers God, ditches the drugs, reforms and puts out another album
- Today, band is still rocking, though bandmembers all have families and are good, upstanding members of society and positive role models for today's youth

Did I miss any of the steps?