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come get some!


Come get some!

I suppose that by publicly displaying my disdain for the Nationwide version of Neighborhood Watch that I have set myself up as one of those to be watched. Now that everything you do is subject to scrutiny and there are all kind of loopholes to be used to invade your privacy, it's only a matter of time before there is a knock on my door and a couple of men with hunting rifles and NRA hats and NASCAR shirts declare me a public nuiscance or a traitor or a dissident and haul me off in the cab of their pick-up truck and we drive down I-95 with Ted Nugent playing on the crappy radio and they turn me in to the Homeland Defense Secret Society for cash and/or tickets to a monster truck rally.

The Homeland Honcho asks for proof that I am, indeed, an enemy of the state. The Citizen Corps duo explain that they heard me tell a joke about pretzels. And in all the weeks they have been spying on me, never once did I wear a "United We Stand" shirt. And "my goodness, she don't even have one of them bin Laden wanted stickers on the back of her car. She must be one of them!"

They're not the shiniest trailer in the park, if you know what I mean.

I thought I would be a good American, a shining beacon of neighborly love and comraderie. I'll just make the job of the good old TIPSters easy. Terrorist Hunters: All you have to do is print this page out and hand it to the Homeland Henchmen and you can collect your just reward. Hell, maybe even Ashcroft himself will hand it to you. Your picture will be in the Bumfuck, Iowa Gazette with the caption LOCAL HEROES AVERT NATIONAL DISASTER!

Ok, just clip below the dotted line and send it off to the gestapo White House.

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