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movies, movies

Movies, movies

We watched Reign of Fire yesterday.

When people yell at me for downloading movies and ripping off the film business, I will point to this movie and say "If I actually paid to see that piece of crap I would be on a plane in two seconds, on my way to kick Mathew McConaughey's overacting ass."

Then, because we are gluttons for punishment, we started watching Pearl Harbor on cable.

We made it fifteen minutes before we were both laughing so hard at the insipid dialogue that we had to turn it off. We kept turning it back on every few minutes, again doubling over in laughter either at the forced cliches and writing that seemed to have come out of a Screenplay101 class, or at Ben Affleck's seemingly ever-expanding forehead.

Jerry Bruckheimer + Michael Bay = unintentional laughs and total cheese.

Moulin Rouge was next, which started at 10pm. I was asleep by 10:12, but that wasn't the movie's fault. We'll try that again.

Today is our guilty pleasure movie festival. Pump Up The Volume, Heathers, and Toxic Avenger.

That should be enough to wash the stench of yesterday's movies off of us.

I have revised my latest rankings of worst.movie.ever. It now stands at:

1. Jeepers Creepers
2. Kazaam
3. 3000 Miles to Graceland.

If you want to be part of my worst.movie.ever. poll, please list the three most horrid movies you have ever seen. And then I'll do something with the list during blogathon.

Comments

worst.movies.ever.

The Other Sister
The Apostle
Pearl Harbor

Oh common,
How can you love comic books and yet not love Pearl Harbor. Pearl Harbor is so full of cheese it has become one of my favorite movies. I laugh through out the whole flick. Yes, not all comicbooks are cheesy, but many of them are. Watching pearl harbor is on a par with reading The Tick.
However, if you attempt to take the film seriously, yeah its bad. Its like a Pun. I love Puns. But, their are not good Puns.

Oo, oo, oo!

Red Heat.
Arlington Road.
Star Trek V

Only 3?

1. Showgirls
2. Hollow Man
3. Ishtar

Only 3?

1. Showgirls
2. Hollow Man
3. Ishtar

If Mad Max and Aliens had a baby... I thought Reign of Fire was a hoot. If you just cut, say, 3/4 of the dialogue it would be mostly watchable! The dragons were fun, esp. when they kicked up dust (if your theater has nice sound. it made you feel dirty). I saw it for free, too, and in a really superdeluxe screening room with some of my coolest pals, so maybe my overall movie-going experienced was enhanced. We all laughed at inappropriate moments, we all thought he had way too much cigar in his mouth (ew), and all the tattoo artists in the audience tittered as MMcC's artwork got more vivid as the film wore on. Continuity!

anyway.

Hollow Man
Baby of Macon (also on my top 10 best list)
Diary of a Midwife (kills any interest in the book)

Oh, three worst movies.

Fathers day
My Giant
The Fear

Fireballs makes it to my list for Worst.Movie.Ever. I came across this late one night and watched in horrified and amused fascination. It's a Canadian film about firefighters who are totally inept and who manage to keep coming across naked women in their adventures. (It has an IMDB listing if you want to look it up.)

And the runners up....

-Jury Duty
-The Cable Guy

Movies that are really bad but I can't help enjoying anyway:

-The Pirate Movie
-If The Shoe Fits
-The Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger Movie (Lots of fun to watch and count all the movies it rips off. Furthermore, I got to go for free--which as people have pointed out, always enhances the movie making experience--and my friend and I kept making cat calls every time the White Power Ranger came on. We could do this because we worked at the theatre.)

Pearl Harbor has got to be my number one least favorite movie. I mean it just sucked chunks. I was so pissed off at how bad it was by the time I left the movie (7 1/2 hours later). I must have used every swear word in the English language and several in some other languages. Oh my GOD it blew. It made Reign of Fire look good by comparison.

The only movie that I can safely compare Pearl Harbor to is "Battlefield Earth". Another huge, steaming pile of crap. It even had little chunks of corn. CRAP!

Third movie...third movie...hmmm. Oh! Easy. Two way tie between Star Wars Phantom Menace and Star Wars Attack of the Clones. Useless trash. Old George really ruined the original trilogy with this overwrought tripe.

Yes, no worst.movie.ever. list is complete without Hollow Man.

Also add Cast Away (I'm sure I'm in the minority there).

And I agree on Cable Guy.

1. Konga (so bad it's, fun. but still b-a-d.
2. Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (such a letdown!)
3. Top Gun (so much testosterone I was afraid I'd get pregnant just watching it).

Top 3? But there are so many.

1. The Last Days of Disco (horrid. pretty people using big words with NO plot)
2. Dr. T and the Women (I prayed throughout it would get better. it didn't. it got worse).
3. Pearl Harbor (enough said).

You guys didn't like the cable guy either? Wow. My sence of humor must be wacked. I know people just like Jim Carey in the Cable Guy!

Next thing you guys will be telling me how much Kevin Smith movies suck, or that Gross point blank was the worst movie ever.

Clerks: good.
Mallrats: good.
Chasing Amy: Not so good.
Dogman: eh.
Jay and Silent Bob: major league suckage.

Edgar: I'm trying to figure out how The Cable Guy fits into the Kevin Smith or GPB genres or why you'd think we wouldn't like them if we didn't like the Cable Guy. I'm sooo confused. :)

Clerks: Good
Mallrats: Better than anybody gives it credit for
Chasing Amy: My favourite actually
Dogma: Okay
Jay and Silent Bob: Concur with Michele. Major league suckage.

As for Grosse Pointe Blank, it's one of my most favourite movies ever actually. I also ran out and bought the soundtrack. Mmmmm.

I do like some Jim Carrey, btw. Just not Ace Ventura or the Cable Guy. (This puts him waaaay ahead of Pauly Shore, who I could only stand as a minor voice character in the Goofy Movie. Jury Duty is two hours I'd like back.)

1) Treasure of the Four Crowns...in 3-D
2) A Good Man in Africa
3) Dune

Get Carter
Hollow Man
Roller Ball

...ugh.

I hope by Rollerball you mean the remake and not the original...

1. Jeepers Creepers (what was I thinking?!)
2. True Stories
3. Battlefield Earth

One of my guilty pleasures is watching Judge Dredd, so what do I know?

Your views seem very similar to mine. My point was that my view must be askew (no pun intended).
The other moves mentioned are some of my favorites. My intention was to be overly dramatic about how far off my views are. I thought cable guy was strange yes, but I liked it. And I laughed non stop through pearl harbor. I honestly dont think that michael Bay and Brucheimer are stupid enough to not think that the cheesy lines that where written wheren't somewhat funny.

I beg to differ on their stupidity.

If you are spending millions of dollars to make a movie, you would think they would be intelligent enough to get their scenery right.

In the beginning of the movie, Affleck is flying above Mitchell Field, Long Island (about ten minutes from my house). You see some beautiful mountains in the background.

There are NO mountains over there. Never have been. I mean, if you are making a movie about an event that actually took place, you might want to get some things right, especially with that kind of budget.

For my laughs - I mean goofs - check here

Moulin Rouge sucked ass... we turned it off after only 10 minutes... major suckage... glad I didn't waste $4 for the dvd rental...

Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. I love Heathers!

worst movies ever:

1. Howard the Duck (take a good comic book and add George Lucas. Stir once and watch this crap come out of the mix)
2. Dune (sorry, I walked out on this one. Sting was awful, the effects were awful. Blech)
3. It Happened One Christmas (a remake of It's a Wonderful Life starring Marlo Thomas (That Girl!) and made for television. Dear God make it stop.)

Isn't "Mitchell Field" supposed to be Mitchel Field (one L in Mitchel)?

Ya know... along the same lines as, say, Michelle and Michele. ;)