« casting couch: superman v. batman | Main | free advice »

when i grow up

When I grow up....

I wanted to be a secret agent. I fantasized about wearing cool clothes and carrying neat gagdets and weapons. I would skulk in alleys and hide in closets and tap phone lines. And then I would jump out at the last minute, just before the bad guys are about to destroy the universe for their own nefarious purposes, and I would yell, "FREEZE YOU BAD GUYS!" and everyone would recoil in fear and horror as they realized they were no match for me.

I wanted to be a member of the SWAT team. I wanted to wear a black turtleneck and black pants and a flak jacket and carry guns that weighed more than me. I wanted to peek around the corner of a building, looking for the criminal that had eluded every law enforcement person before me, and I would sneak up behind him as he crouched behind a bush and I would not arrest him, but blast 40 pounds of ammo into his head and watch the blood and brains spray everywhere. And I wouldn't care that I got his insides all over my SWAT clothes because man, that is like a badge of honor.

I wanted to be a villain. I wanted to live in one of those hidden fortresses of doom where all the latest technology and surveillance equipment let me see what was going on in every corner of the world at any time. And I would point to various places on the globe and say "I want that country for my own!" and my henchmen would go out and use their incredible villainous powers to hypnotize the people of that country to obey me. I would threaten world leaders with bombs of amazing power and I would tie up every superhero who tried to thwart my plans and throw them into a bottomless pit and I would get much enjoyment from hearing the endless echoes of the their pleading screams.

I wanted to be a princess, but not your ordinary ball gown wearing, lovesick, frog kissing princess. I wanted to be a princess in a mystical land that was filled with magic and fairies and evil witches. I wanted to explore every last inch of the creepy dark woods that surrounded my castle and find magic talking trees and elves that lived under mushrooms and miniature knights that came riding on tiny horses out of holes in the ground. And when some brave but dumb knight from a neighboring kingdom entered and won a contest that my father set up to find a husband for me, I would tell that knight thanks, but no thanks for I am a lesbian princess and I wish to marry, or at least kiss, that hot chick from the Kingdom across the Sea.

I wanted to be one of those kids in the books I read as a child. Kids who find magic coins that transport them to incredible places, kids who hid out in libraries walked through magic wardrobes or turned into animals.

I wanted to be one of those grownups who carried guns and saved planets and traveled to exotic lands where there was loads of cash waiting for them. And always a hot date.

I wanted to live in the Twilight Zone and visit the Outer Limits and be the host of show about the horrible things that happen in strange, exotic worlds.

I wanted to live in Riverdale and smack Reggie Mantle in the head and kick Veronica Lodge in the ass and get Jughead into a gay support group.

I wanted to be a Charlie's Angel and a member of the Mod Squad and I wanted to be the 7million dollar woman who could kick the 6million dollar woman's butt all over the place.

Those are all things I wanted to be when I grew up and I suppose I have yet to do that growing up because I still want to do be all of these things.

Last night, the kids were outside playing Manhunt, which is similar to SWAT, and it was all I could do to keep myself from running outside and asking if I could play, too.

Anyone want to come over and play kick the can?


I'm coming! I'll even bring my own can. I think I've got some maple baked beans around here, is that sufficiently Canadian?

Being a child BTV (before TV) I listened to radio programs. And, I wanted to ride with the Lone Ranger, like his nephew Dan did. I still have "heroic" daydreams/fantasies. I'm not sure about kick the can, but how about we plot together to save the world (or country) from Forces of Evil who want to reduce our freedoms?

I'm already there, Sue. Meet me at the secret underground castle tonight at 7.

I wanted to be a muppet and live in the worlds of the muppets. Then later I just wanted to work for him. Then he died and my heart broke. I haven't been the same since.

First I wanted to be Joe Namath. Then I wanted to be on Star Trek.

Kick the can was great. We used to play in a huge orange grove in Florida with the thick forest of that Florida overgrowth/jungle around the outskirts of it.

There was even a lake on one side where we had to watch for crocodiles, but it made for good hiding because everyone was afraid of that side.

I went back there recently...it's all apartments and strip malls now. I felt like Chrissy Hines.

Your post has made me hungry for those days again. Thanks.

My childhood must have sucked big-time, because I have so few memories of that era. I remember what I did as an 11- or 12-year old, but memories before then are sketchy.

Your childhood sure sounded like fun, and I guess if I hear enough memories like yours, I may form a false-memory of my own.

Peat, those would be alligators you were watching out for. :)

I distinctly remember playing Rat Patrol in the mounds of dirt and little wilderness that is now a homogenous subdivision. We would ride our bikes up and down and around and through, chasing Nazis in Northern Africa. (I watched a great deal of TV with my Dad...I also love the 3 Stooges...) I was ALWAYS the leader.

Went back to that subdivision with my husband a few years ago...couldn't even pick out the house I used to live in. sigh

I remember playing Alligator Pit with my siblings. I think I was also a slightly less liberated princess than Michele was. :)

We also played a game called Alligator Pit, where we had to jump from one bed to the other without falling to the floor in between cause there were alligators down there!

I wanted to be Captain Kirk.

Now that I'm older, I want to be Captain Picard.

I wanted to be a psychotic suicide-bomber, but I had the bad fortune to be raised in a loving, caring environment within a country that cherishes freedom and individual rights where I was taught to cherish Peace and universal brotherhood.

What did you do with Laurence, you imposter!!

Michele, are you rejecting my can?

Bill, if Michele doesn't want your can, I'll take it.

But wait--why couldn't you run out there and play it?

here's a great place to buy Magic Mushroom Kits

You can also find ready to grow shroom kits at
Monkey Magic