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frozen stiff

Frozen stiff

Possible uses for Ted Williams' frozen body:

1. Bring him to collector's shows so the kids can pose with Ted for a picture.
2. Sell him on eBay and use the profits to buy the Red Sox a championship banner.
3. Collect his DNA to sell to prospective parents who would be interested in raising a future ballplayer.
4. Prop him up in your living room window to frighten away burglars when you're not home.
5. Use him as a Halloween decoration.
6. Forget Bernie: Weekend with Teddy.
7. Two words: lawn jockey
8. Put him in your car so you can drive in the HOV lane.
9. Put balloons in his hand and stand him outside your store to attract business.

Oh please, stop rolling your eyes at me and calling me tasteless. You know you want to add your own on to the list.


10. Have him endorse frozen Eskimo Pie's.

10. Replace the Jack-in-the-Box head at the drive-through with him. Shout orders into his mouth.
11. Seal him in the ice of an ice rink.

Re: #2: HA! Love it.

12. Use him to prop up low hanging branches
13. Put him in a window to deter burglars.
14. Lay him across two sawhorses, and use him as a buffet table at a BBQ
15. Put him in the passenger seat and use the carpool lanes (until he thaws)
16. Take him on a plane as 'carrion' luggage, to demonstate how easy it is to get a frozen, dead baseball player onboard.
17. Use him as a blog post topic.


4. Prop him up in your living room window to frighten away burglars when you're not home.

8. Put him in your car so you can drive in the HOV lane

Other than those repeats, fantastic suggestions. I especially like number 16.

Attach an outboard motor to his legs, and make him the first man to walk across the Atlantic Ocean, posthumously.

13. Since coolers are banned at most ballparks now, he can keep the beer cold.
14. And instead of #11, send him on the Stars on Ice tour. He'll literally fit the bill...

I can't count. I'm going back to bed.

I heard the Yankees have already put in a bid for his DNA.

I heard on CNN that his son was contemplating the sale of his DNA, and that was one of the reasons he was being preserved.

How gross is that! Maybe you can get blood from a stone!

A new #13: Hollow him out and use him to transport skiis.
A new #15: Put him in a 6 foot long cooler, and use him to keep the beer cold.

18. Tag his ear and convince people he's 'Deady Teddy RedSox', the new Super Beanie Buddy.

I have no idea how I could read yours, and instantly forget what the hell I'd just read.

19. Double Dog Dare Flick (aka Scotty Schwartz) to stick his tongue to Ted. When he balks, skip the Triple Dare and go straight to the Triple Dog Dare.

Make him Grand Marshal of the Topeka Christmas Day Parade.

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