Possible uses for Ted Williams' frozen body:
1. Bring him to collector's shows so the kids can pose with Ted for a picture.
2. Sell him on eBay and use the profits to buy the Red Sox a championship banner.
3. Collect his DNA to sell to prospective parents who would be interested in raising a future ballplayer.
4. Prop him up in your living room window to frighten away burglars when you're not home.
5. Use him as a Halloween decoration.
6. Forget Bernie: Weekend with Teddy.
7. Two words: lawn jockey
8. Put him in your car so you can drive in the HOV lane.
9. Put balloons in his hand and stand him outside your store to attract business.
Oh please, stop rolling your eyes at me and calling me tasteless. You know you want to add your own on to the list.