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i've come a short way, baby

I've come a short way, baby


The cigarettes are staring at me. I don't throw them out or flush them down the toilet because Justin is still smoking and he would not be happy about that. And only one of us can be unhappy in this house at a time. It's my turn.

They stare at me and mock me and call me.

Come taste my refreshing tar and nicotine.
Come inhale my toxic smoke.
Come soothe your tense nerves by lighting me on fire.

I tremble and shake and lunge for the box. It moves out of my reach, as if some unseen hand has pushed the cigarettes away from me. Perhaps I am just hallucinating. No sleep, no smoke makes me delerious.

I can feel the leftover nicotine rising into my throat. It pushes its taste into my mouth, making me crave the fresh taste of menthol. The only thing keeping me lighting up is this flu. I know the cigarette would not taste as wonderful as I want it to.

I will snap and bite heads off and kick puppies and eat kitties today. I will probably give some old lady the finger and make one of my kids cry. I will stare down the pack of cigarettes, matching wits and strength against tobacco.

Bitch. Moan. Bang Head. Sneer at cigarettes. Puke guts into toilet bowl. Repeat hourly.

This is my Monday.

Comments

Trying to quit smoking so close to your wedding, with all those normal stresses going on, is so commendable. Good luck!

I'm the same way with chocolate chips. Although I don't bite the heads off of puppies. I bite the heads off of accountants.

You can do it, M. You can.

I quit smoking in January after 13 years. It was the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Try and keep it up. You will be super happy when this crap has passed. I can taste and breath and do things I never thought possible. And the energy you'll find again will be amazing.

I promise, it will all be worth it. :)

Don't hurt the puppies. Please. I've got just the person you can take your aggressions out on. It's the old lady who actually said no when we asked her to announce herself when passing. Kick her off her bike. Make her your punching bag!

Good luck, I smoked for 15 years and just quit a month ago. One relapse and I'm back to stopping. Hard to do, but worth it. :)

Mmm.. the refreshing taste of tar and nicotine.
I'm on the verge of quitting for good, and though I'm craving cigarettes, they're fucking with me worse than they ever had.

Chocolate will have more flavor when your mouth isn't lined with tar. Everything will taste better.

Good luck, I quit smoking just over a month ago. It hasn't been easy, but nowhere near as hard as I thought it would be.

this is for Michele's subconscious. Conscious mind, skip this: {allow yourself two weeks of minor cheating. Don't kill yourself over the manic slip you made on Monday. You're doing great. Two weeks of mellowing out is ok, after that it won't be such a big deal; since you didn't give yourself an ulcer thru that period, it must be something you can do.}

I'm sure you've had millions of bits of unsolicited advice, but, um, er: I found it's a lot easier if you prepare yourself to get rid of all the vices associated with smoking, too. Like drinking - coffee, beer, wine, whatever you have in your left hand when your righ hand holds a cigarette (did I spell it right? got that word is ugly.) Like other drugs you might do with nicotine (for me that was a pile, when it was my time) - coffee and alchohol fit as well as speed or mushrooms here. Like music that you usually smoke to: no Bauhaus for me, not for all of 1988. And for the oral fixation thing, as much as one might deny one has one, learn to love the sugar free Chupa Chup (I can point you in the direction of cheap Buffy the Vampire Slayer display boxes/special vampire colors! No Zim ones yet...).

Give up coffee?

HAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA!

(but excellent advice all around. and what is a chupa chup?)

Gourmet lollipops invented in Spain!

But I don't think you can get the BTVS ones any more. Crap.
Oh wait!

You can do it, girl.