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ode to a hot dog

Ode to a hotdog

(or: the delirious thoughts that come into your head while an incredibly self-absorbed person is talking to you.)

ode to a hotdog

i think that i shall never eat
a substance more devoid of meat
than the hot dog i ate last night
but damn, i did eat every bite.
and when i was done i ate another
so did my sister and my mother
i would have gone for three or four
if there had been any more.

hot dogs are the food of gods
despite the arteries they clog
in the oven, on the grill
floating in a watery swill
mustard (yellow), saurkraut
that's what summer's all about
pile them high upon the plates
don't talk to me about nitrates

no turkey, tofu, chicken filler
real meat hot dogs are what's killer
so please don't call me a big ol' meanie
when i won't share my all-beef weenie.


Paging Dr. Freud....

Dr. Freud, we have an emergency here.

Did I ever tell you how I got this scar on my leg?

From a HOT DOG!

You may ask: how can a hot dog scar you?

It pulled a KNIFE on me!!!

I want so hear this poem sung on the next Oscar Meyer commercial!

I will sing that for you on your birthday.

i'm glad i'm not the only one,
who's down with hotdogs on a bun.
spicey mustard zigged on top,
ketchup zagged, but not a lot.
some onions and a strip of relish,
something we've got in common, michele.


ratty loves those yummy wieners
fried or grilled, oh nothing's keener
i love dogs on burger buns
lots of mayo, yummy-yum!
gimme onions, ketchup, NOT!
a little relish hits the spot
thanks, michele, for your cool rhyme
Summer's Here! it's hotdog time!

Bill, you're just saying that because you just missed my birthday, and by next year, I'll have forgotten.

Actually, I was offering to sing for Michele, but send me an email next year and I'll send you a .wav file. :D

oh my. i was going to suggest dodgers stadium hot dogs, which are the finest on earth, but the more i think about it, i'd go with therapy instead. ;)

that was....beautiful....*sniff*

ballpark franks are the
foundation for a lusty
joyous existence

hotdog haiku!

okay, now we need a hotdog sonnet.

how do I love weenies, oh let me count the ways......


to JEfrom Canada-Oscar mayer Wiener Jingle Iwish I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener,
for that I would love to be.
If I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, everyone would be in love with me.