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credit cards accepted

Credit cards accepted


For sale or rent: 2 children.

One 12 year old female. Will vacuum and dust on demand, but unfortunately will not clean her room. Tends to be sarcastic, defiant and moody. Good for laughing at dumb jokes with, but will mostly just laugh at you. Needs to be fed constantly.
Likes to sleep and whine.

One 9 year old male. Does not do housework of any kind. Will entertain you by singing and dancing but only in a crowded restaurant, and only something with inappropriate words in it. Tends to be oppositional. Comes complete with addiction to video games and ESPN. Needs to be fed only once a day, and will only eat chicken nuggets, grilled cheese or Apple Jacks and will only drink Snapple iced tea.

Both are completely housetrained, except for the odd instances where one might pee in a Millenium Falcon. Female requires a broadband connection and AIM. Male requires a Playstation2 and the Yes Network.

Experience with children not necessary. A prescription for Prozac or a stocked liquor cabinet would probably come in handy.

Leave message below if interested. Best offer.

(I will also considering paying someone to take them if I don't get an offer soon).

Posted by on June 11, 2002 08:11 PM |

Comments

I start the bidding at $10. I needs someone to haul in this firewood and patch up that damn dere roof.

Posted by: Chris | June 11, 2002 08:23 PM

Can you ship them to the UK? I am about to move house and have lots of boxes that need carrying (please include broadband connection with the package).

Posted by: Matt | June 11, 2002 09:34 PM

If they promise to root for the Red Wings.

Posted by: adam | June 11, 2002 09:47 PM

My mom will take the girl, I'm sure. Only boys in the family, much to her dismay. The boy... Uh, I have a cousin who might want to play dress up with something. :P I see Chris's bid, and raise ... uh, $3.95, but I'll go as high as $15.

Posted by: kerr | June 12, 2002 12:51 AM

trade you for a five year old male child, needs to live somewhere without "stupid rules". doesn't eat much, and generally keeps the noise level under 130 decibels. generally.

Posted by: kd | June 12, 2002 12:59 AM

maybe each of the kids could post a statement about what would make them desirable for adoption. You know, something in their own words about their charms? I mean I need to sample the goods here.

Posted by: jadedju | June 12, 2002 01:29 AM

It goes without saying that that was incredibly fricking funny. But HELL no I don't want to buy your kids. Okay, well maybe one of them. The broadband one...I've already got broadband. Include a router for my cable modem and I bid $28.50. If she keeps the place vaccuumed and dusted I'll even feed her.

Posted by: Daniel Talsky | June 12, 2002 04:08 AM

i bid 40 bucks and a bottle of tequilla - but that's in oz dollars, andd in return you have to take my warrant cassingles.
Oh yeah, I haven't got any of that fancy schmancy poofy internet broadband shit either, but I do have a hi tech torture room where I'm keeping the last 3 japanese exchange students we got sent
What colour do they like their handcuffs in?

Posted by: g | June 12, 2002 10:25 AM

HEY! Where do you get off selling MY kids???????? They love me more anyway ;)

Posted by: Lisa | June 12, 2002 11:12 AM

Swap you for a teenage daughter (well soon to be a twentysomething).

Posted by: Dot Com Optionnaire | June 12, 2002 11:29 AM

Lisa, if you love them so much, they are yours. Did I mention that Natalie seems especially PMS this week?

And no teenagers. None. No.

I will, however, accept donuts as payment.

Posted by: michele | June 12, 2002 11:35 AM

Send them to Berkeley, where we can put both the fear of irresponsible drug use and horror of the sense of priveledge into 'em, but good.
And they can earn AIM/Playstation priveledges by washing dishes - we don't have a dishwasher and I love to cook.

We've offered haven to my husband's teenage siblings on many occasions, and it's been dreamy (only one is banned for life). Kids want to be responsible, want to behave like adults - just not around their parents. It's amazing the decorum a teenage girl will exhibit when the payoff is being exhibited in a convertible and cruising the punk rock band houses of the neighborhood.

Posted by: Jessica | June 12, 2002 12:10 PM