A Small Victory

1. What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Not much. I'm lactose intolerant. Then again, it depends on who was offering me the Klondike bar and what he wanted me to do for it.

2. If you could single-handedly pick our next president, who would it be and why?

Tough question. Probably Spongebob Squarepants. We would spend our days jellyfishing and eating burgers and annoying our neighbors and reveling in the ensuing hilarity. (yes, I wussed out of that question)

3. Are there any products or corporations you refuse to patronize on principle?

I try not to buy any Nike products, because of their past transgressions as far as labor issues go. It's a tough place to be in because if I was really adamant about this issue, I probably wouldn't be wearing anything but a grass skirt. Almost everything we buy passes through a sweatshop at some point. Also, I have a strict policy about not buying anything that says Martha Stewart on it.

4. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Lust, yes. Attraction, yes. Love, no. Love is built on friendship and familiarity and a trust that cannot come instantaneously.

5. Who are your top five female musicians of all time?

Patti Smith
Karen Crisis
Sade
Ani DiFranco
Siouxie Sioux

6. If your name were a symbol (a la Prince), what would it be, and how would you pronounce it?

It would be a middle finger and it would be pronounced Misanthrope.

7. Are you as addicted to Behind the Music and E! True Hollywood Story as I am?

I love BTM. And I have been known to watch True Hollywood Story when no one is looking.

8. What is the best joke you've ever heard?

Q: Did you hear about the new pirate movie?
A: It's rated ARRRRRRRRRR!
Second best:
Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because he was stapled to the first monkey.

9. Do you have a favorite Pokemon? (Yes, you do.) Which one?

Psyduck. I just identify with him in a strange way.

10. Are there any songs which make you cry for no really good reason?

There are plenty of songs that make me cry with good reason, but for no reason, I guess Stabbing Westward's "Waking Up Beside You" because it is incredibly sad and heartbreaking.

11. Why "A Small Victory"?

It's the title of a song by my favorite band ever, Faith No More. The lyrics are probably the most meaningful words ever written in regards to my ex. I get a surge of adrenaline and hope every time I sing it.

12. Name one unusual physical attribute that sets you apart from the crowd.

I have nice tits. Ok, that's not unusual. Honestly, there is nothing about me that is anything more than average and plain.

13. Can you already predict a suitable profession for each of your children, and if so, what is that based on?

Natalie will be a starving artist. And she will be perfectly happy doing that. DJ - there are so many ways he could go but I'm thinking that he will either be a professional baseball player or a serial killer.Which is not really a living, unless you rob your victims, too.

4. Have you had chicken pox?
Yes, a nasty, nasty case of them when I was about 10.

15. If you were allowed one hour alone with one celebrity of your choice, who would it be, and what would you talk about?

I would hang out with Henry Rollins, given the chance. And we would talk about everything under the sun.

16. Describe DJ and Natalie using only five words each.

Natalie: Beat of a different drummer
DJ: hard shelled with soft interior