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Mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be drummers. Why? Because at band concerts, drummers stand all the way in the back or all the way to the side and not only are they almost impossible to see, but forget getting any decent pictures of them. Unless your child is freakishly tall. Then it all works out for you.

Also, don't try to sneak up the side stairs that go up to the stage and stand off to the side to try to get one decent combined picture for all the percussion parents out there or the chairman of the music department will come shoo you away, thus embarassing your daughter so much she misses the part where she clangs the triangle.

Also, if you are going to a social event, please do not eat anything gas-producing beforehand. Not to harp on the farting thing, but the woman in front of me at the concert had enough gas to power a fleet of SUVs.

Also, talking during a performance is quite rude. Just because your child was in chorus and they already did their number, it doesn't mean you can start up a conversation with your husband about your summer vacation while my child is valiantly playing the snare drum.

Also, 12 year old girls should not be made to wear white shirts for concerts. Most of them are still at that stage where they are uncomfortable with their new appendages and the bra that holds them up, and white shirts just make it a news flash.

Also, 12 year old girls should not be wearing mini-skirts that are no bigger than a hand towel or pumps that were last seen on a hooker and they should certainly not be coming to school concerts with their belly buttons sticking out of their "hottie inside" t-shirts and the crack of their ass slyly peeking out of their Britney-style hip huggers.

Also, Natalie plays a mean drum. And triangle. And that brushy-thing that sweeps on the drum during dramatic moments of this one song. The triangle, by the way, is not some pansy instrument that is given to the most untalented in the band, as previously thought by certain people. No. The triangle is of utmost importance during critical moments of musical compositions.

Also, I have made it through day 2 of the 30 day stretch of life in end-of-school hell and I am mentally and physically intact. If the weather cooperates and it rains tonight and baseball is cancelled, I get not only a reprieve, but a chance to re-charge my batteries.

Also, it's pay day. It's Wednesday. It's not hot and humid out. And I spent a good portion of last night on the phone with the most beautiful of beautiful people and all is good today. The birds shall not be decapitated.


BRAVO! I agree on all fronts...Always let your kid be the lead guitarist instead of the drummer ;)

You are hysterical. This is by far one of the most entertaining sites on the web.

Seasoned groupies know that drummers are always the best.... oh wait, you're talking about your daughter.


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