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hitler's weenie

hitler's weenie

We used to sing little rhymes when I was young, commercial parodies and rip-offs of popular songs with naughty words inserted and silly little poems that would get us a mouthful of soap if overheard by an adult.

Now that I am older and (ahem) more mature, I see the error of my ways in repeating most of those words. But I plead ignorance. Those were polictically incorrect times. We didn't know a racial slur from an ethnic slur from a potentially offensive to the entire planet slur. Our parents never taught us to differentiate between humor that makes you laugh and humor that makes some people cringe. Hell, we got most of our little rhymes from them. Insensitive songs passed from generation to generation like the crowned jewels of the family.

Not all of the poems were insensitive to certain groups of people. They were just stupid. Especially the bodily function rhymes.

Milk, milk lemonade
Around the corner fudge is made

During this beautifully written poem, you would point to various body parts at the proper time. And then, if you were 7 or 8 or 9 years old, you would fall on the floor laughing. And then repeat ad naseum for the next week or so, until the newest ditty came around. And I can see why the kids still love it. Anything that references poop is timeless.

There was one we used to sing back in 3rd grade:
whistle while you work
hitler is a jerk
mussolini bit his weenie
that's why it won't work

Now, at that age Hitler was just a vague notion to me and I had no clue who Mussolini was or why he had his teeth on Hitler's weenie. I certainly didn't get the connotation that Hitler had some problems in his nether regions. I just knew it rhymed, it used the word weenie, and it was funny.

So imagine my surprise when DJ came home singing that very song the other day. How the hell does something like that make it all the through the years? Considering the two subjects of the song, it must have been around long before I was singing it, back in the early 60's. So here we are in 2002 and 3rd graders are still whistling about Hitler's weenie.

I asked DJ if he knew who Hitler or Mussolini was. He knew all about Hitler. He thought Mussolini was an Italian soccer player. "But," he said, "the word weenie is really funny. We don't care who the song is about, we just like to make people laugh when we sing it. WEENIE!"

It occurred to me that a parent had to tell their own kid that joke in order for it to survive through the ages. I can see passing on the parody standards like jingle bells, batman smells, or deck the halls with buddy holly and god bless my underwear, but I'll skip anything that involves me getting into a detailed history lesson. Sort of takes away from the humor.

I wonder which ones my kids will pass on to their own kids. I see less and less of the insensitive rhymes going around, but in return we get things like cut my wife into pieces, this is my last divorce. Somehow I can't see my grandkids coming home from school singing made up words to Papa Roach songs.

Got any good parodies or bodily function rhymes to pass along?


I feel a bit pathetic; apart from batman smelling, I don't recall ever learning any of those songs. :(

How odd that you should mention this.

This week, I have been orbiting near the power center of my corporation. On my birthday was this week and one of the high (low?) moments was being seranaded by a table full of executives who sang:

happy birthday to you.
you belong in the zoo.
you look like a monkey
and you smell like one, too.

The waiters sang along. Ahh, juvenile songs - the great equalizer

There is only one word changed in this from the original, but this is the version I learned:

do your balls hang low?
do they wobble to and fro?
can you tie them in a knot?
can you tie them in a bow?
can you throw them over your shoulder,
like a continental soldier?
do your balls

I sang the same thing, with "tits" instead of balls.

Milk, milk, lemonade...
That reminds me of an Oprah show I saw several years ago, and one of her guests was discussing the importance of drinking water. At one point the guest said something about how urine should look like "light lemon juice," to which Oprah says, "Light lemon juice? Not a golden sunshine?"

It still cracks me up.

dirty knees,
look at these!

I think this just was some ploy of a rhyme made up by the boys to see our goods.

We used to do that one too, Jen. It's one of those politically incorrect rhymes I was referring to. There was also a version where the last line was "money please"

Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts,

Mutilated monkey meat

Nerdy, turdy birdy feet

Cow snot, pig slop,

mix it up in the bakery shop,

Oops.. I forgot my spoon!

Gross. Gross, gross, gross. No wonder we loved it.

Oops.. I forgot my spoon!

"but i remembered my straw. Sluuuuuurp!"

if i remember my psych 101 teachings correctly, kids fascination with "all things poop" is just a (normal) part of the "anal phase" of development little humans go through to familiarize themselves with their bodies ... the unfortunate thing is that some 'get stuck' & never move beyond that phase ...

My question is, how is it that these songs were sung nationwide to begin with? I knew the milk, milk and greasy grimy gopher guts, but I never learned that Hitler one (although later I learned a different version, sung to the tune of the Colonel Bogey March: Hitler had only one left ball, Goering had two but they were small, Himmler had something similar, but you know Goebbals had no balls at all.)

But, here's one you may not know that we did sing, very loudly on the bus to Sunset Day Camp as I recall:

Stranded on toilet isle,
stranded, without a roll!
If you're a man,
you will wipe it with your hand.
If you're a woman,
you will wipe it with your bosom.
Stranded, on toilet isle!

p.s. did you guys also tell the "no soap radio" joke when you were little? I was going to teach that to my niece and nephews, but my brother beat me to it.

Yes! I do remember the "no soap radio" joke. I think our version had something to do with a panda.

We are the [school name] girls
We wear our hair in curls
We roll our dungarees
Way up above our knees
We wear our fathers' shirts
We are such little flirts
We are the [school name] girls
We are the [school name] girls

An obviously '50s rhyme we sang in the '70s.

Our other fave, to "The bear went over the mountain" was:

Let's get drunk and get naked
Let's get drunk and get naked
Let's get drunk and get naaaaked ...
And lie in a great big pile
And lie in a great big pile
And lie in a great big pile
Oh, let's get drunk and get naaaaaakkkkkeeeeed
... And lie in a great big pile.

"Suffocation, mental retardation..."

(thanks for fixing my awful coding, Michele...)

When you're sliding into first and your pants are 'bout to burst.
Diarrhea, thhp, thhp, diarrhea, thhp, thhp.
When you're sliding into second and you need a disinfectant.
Diarrhea, thhp, thhp, diarrhea, thhp, thhp.
When you're sliding into third and you drop a wet turd.
Diarrhea, thhp, thhp, diarrhea, thhp, thhp.
When you're sliding into home and your pants are filled with foam.
Diarrhea, thhp, thhp, diarrhea, thhp, thhp.

Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
mutilated monkey meat,
dirty little birdies' feet,
and I forgot my spoon.

Suffocation super suffocation, suffocation, the game we like to play...
first you take a plastic bag,
then you put it on your head,
go to bed! wake up dead!
Suffocation super suffocation, suffocation, the game we like to play...
First you take a garden hose,
then you put it up your nose,
turn it on! then you're gone!
Suffocation super suffocation, suffocation, the game we like to playyyyy

Early one morning, late one night,
two dead boys woke up to fight,
back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other,
a deaf policeman heard the noise,
came and killed the two dead boys.
If you don't believe this lie, it's true!
Just ask the blind man, he saw it too.

Lovely childhood, Daniel.

We had another line to that diarrhea song:

Diarrhea, diarrhea, some people think it's funny but it's really wet and runny, diarrhea

deck the halls with gasoline,
fa la la la la, la la la la.
strike a match and watch it gleam,
fa la la la la, la la la la.
now the school has burned to ashes,
fa la la la la, la la la la.
aren't you glad you play with matches?
fa la la la la, la la la la.

We had a song about Exlax. Though I have forgotten how most of it went. The following are the parts that I can remember
Exlax, it makes you relax,
It makes you ... most
We’re talking X-lax.
Melba toast,
It makes your as roast
It makes you fart from coast to coast,
We’re talking Melba toast.

All just very crude, and then of course there is the Handy man song, and the Oh Sir Henry song.

Let's not forget:

I see London,
I see France.
I see ______'s underpants.

The night was dark,
The sky was blue.
And down the alley,
the shit-wagon flew.

A bump was hit,
A scream was heard,
A man was hit,
by a flying turd...

a personal favorite:

Joy to the world

The teacher's dead!

We bar-be-cued

Her head!

What happened to her body?

We flushed it down the potty!

What happened to her toes?

We stuck them up her nose!



i know there was more, but i dont remember it.

I'm debating teaching that one to my kids. It made me giggle.

The next time you see a hearse, don't laugh
you may be the next to die
They wrap you up in a big white sheet
and bury you down 6 feet deep
The week is fine unti.....

The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out
they eat the boogers in your snout
they eat your eyes they eat your nose
they eat the goodies between your toes
your liver turns a yucky green
and pus oozes out like thick whipped cream
you sop it up with a peice of bread
and that's what you eat when your dead!

anus anus watch out its anus !

On top of my teacher, all covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher, with a .44 slug
I went to her funeral, I pissed on her grave
When everyone threw flowers, I threw a grenade
I looked in her casket, she wasn't quite dead
So I got my bazooka, and blew off her head

Anyone remember, or know the origin of, the following old Brooklyn song:

On the old Canarsie line,
On the old Canarsie line,
Out of every hundred passengers
the Jews were 99.

On a hot Yom Kippur day,
All the Jews they stayed away,
and the BMT went bankrupt
on a hot Yom Kippur day.

Re: previous post, please send any information to this e-mail address: hrkanstroom@iopener.net. Thank you.

mary had a little skirt with splits right up the side & every time that she sat down the boys could see her thighs....
mary ahd another skirt with splits right up the front, & every time that she sat down the boys could see her....welll she didn't wear that one very often...

Little Boy Blew... what he needed the money

i hate u,
u hate me,
barney gave us HIV,
so i kicked him in the head,
& shot him in the leg,
now that purple poofters dead

But barneys kewl.....:(

old macdonald, sittin' on a fence
pickin' his balls with a monkey wrench
the wrench got hot
burned his balls
pissed all over his overalls!

glory, glory hallelujah
teacher hit me with a ruler
so i hid behind the door
with a loaded .44
and the teacher don't teach no more!

I was rolling down the Highway,highway44
When _____ blew a big one and blew me out the door
The windows were all broken
the car just fell apart
All because of _____ supersonic fart!

More, more, more
I'm a whore I'm a whore
More, more, more
Got the money, got the money

We sang this shit cause it's a take-off of that 80's one hit wonder

I'm popeye the salior man.
I live in a frying pan.
I turned on the gas
And burned off my ass.
I'm popeye the salior man.

I was drunk last night dear mother,
I was drunk the night before,
and if you forgive me mother,
I'll never get drunk anymore!

It makes your teeth turn green;
It tastes like gasoline.
It makes you vomit,
So try some Comet to vomit today!

My name is Pancho
I work on the rancho
I make five dollars a day.

I go to see Lucy
I play with her poosy
She takes my five dollars away.


Thanks, folks, a lot of childhood memories to be found here...

Sorry, but when it comes to dirty ditties, the kids can't compete with the grownups. Any fan of less-than-savory Irish or Scottish ballads will know exactly what I mean.

One of my favorites is called "The Ball of Kerrymuir"; you can find it sung by Jim Croce, of all people, on one of his collections. It's all the funnier because of his comments in between verses!

I don't think I'll post the lyrics here. Michele, if you're truly interested, give me a call and I'll sing 'em for you.


dec. the halls with mirijoana,
decorate the trees with L.S.D
tis the season to to be bleezin
tra la la la la lala la la

sung to the tune of the waltz "Ach du lieber Augustine":

All the little breezes that blow thru the trees-es
and up girlies knees-es and down their chamoise-es
and college boys sees-es and do as they please-es
and catch bad diseases
and all the little breezes by Jesus God Damn!

and let's not forget:

Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these!


Me Chinese, me play joke, me put pee pee in your Coke!
Me Black man, me run fast, me gonna kick your fuckin’ ass!

or the ever popular

When you’re sitting in the dirt and you feel something squirt... Diarrhea!

(To The Tune Of "Carolina In The Morning")

Nothin' could be finer that to be in your vagina in the mo-o-o-o-o-rn-ing

Nothin' could be sweeter that you suckin' on my peter in the mo-o-o-o-o-o-o-rn-ing