« action figures caught on tape! | Main | learning to fly »

George Lucas must be stopped

George Lucas must be stopped

Saw Episode 2 today. My review:

Star Wars - Episode 2: Attack of the Clones. **2 STARS
I am working on inventing a time machine. I will use it to go back in time and kill George Lucas before he ever had the chance to make Episodes 1 and 2.

There was better acting in Showgirls.
The dialogue between Anakin and Padme must have been written by a 14 year old girl in the throes of romantic anguish.
Tofu has more substance than this plot did.

This movie has single handedly accomplished what my friends and family have tried to do for years: It cured me of my Star Wars obsession.

Anyone want to buy my toy collection?

added later: Ok, so the more I thought about the movie, the more things I found about it to be adequate enough to get one more star. But that's IT. It certainly wasn't as bad as Ep1, but it wasn't all that and a bag of chips, either. also: seeing a movie while you are suffering from sinus/allergy problems that have left you cranky and tired is probably not a good idea.

Other bloggers reviews of AOTC, meticulously compiled by Mat Honan

Comments

I enjoyed the "original" trilogy, but was never fanatic about it. When I played hookie to watch Episode I with some workmates, I could have kicked myself for spending money to see such drivel. There's no way I'm paying money to see Episode II.

It cured you of your Star Wars obsession? It was thaaat bad? One star?

I can use your word to convince my girl that we don't need to go see the movie. I didn't want to anyway, but I didn't think it would be that bad. Wow.

I completely and totally disagree.

There was better acting in Showgirls.
And the acting in A New Hope was oscar caliber?

The dialogue between Anakin and Padme must have been written by a 14 year old girl in the throes of romantic anguish.
I think the writing was quite appropriate for the situation. Would you expect a real life situation like that to be filled with perfect dialogue?

It cured me of my Star Wars obsession.
No one obsessed with Star Wars would have said what you did about Attack of the Clones. However, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and nothing anyone else says can change it, so I'm going to stop right there.

Wow..I still want to see it though.

Giving away your collection? Hmm...

Do you have the "Han Solo in Carbonite"? I always thought that was so cool back when I was a kid. In fact, that whole "Carbonite Set" was pretty cool. I'd take that.

Also, do you have Boba Fett? I'd like to play with him for a while.

...That didn't sound right but you know what I meant. Hopefully.

No one obsessed with Star Wars would have said what you did about Attack of the Clones.

I'm certainly not the only one to say such things about this movie. I know many die hard Star Wars fans who thought it was utter crap. Just because I thought the original trilogy was fantastic does not mean I have to buy into this 2 hour toy commercial.

As for the dialogue, the romantic moments were lacking in the camp and cheese that made The originals so enjoyable.

And I'm keeping Boba Fett. And Han Solo in carbonite.

Ok, maybe I'm not totally cured.

well everyone i spoke to said it was good, i myself have yet to see but will go cuz the kids have free passes and they love star wars. but, if you are really serious about giving away some toys, we need a boba fett (original ) and also the han solo in carbonite to round off the original collection. =) ha ah hee hee

perhaps i should have kept reading the other comments before i so hastily asked for those 2 toys. damnit. back to flea markets with unsuspecting old folks selling off the kids toys again...lol

Oh sure..tease selling your Boba Fett and Carbonite Han Solo... :)

Oh sure..tease selling your Boba Fett and Carbonite Han Solo... :)

yeah but that Spider-Man movie was really something. Kirsten Dunst? Oh my.

The main reason we downloaded it first was to make sure we wouldn't be wasting our money on big screen tickets if it was a real stinker.
But hey, we basically agree. I'll go see it in the theatres to see the two or three really cool fight sequences in all their glory, but that's about it.

I am torn. I liked most of it, but come on! The fucking movie looked like Sound of Music with Portman bounding through the grassy knoll, and what was Anakin doing, fucking cow tipping?

Hayden should have to service Jabba the Hutt for his horrible performance. And the scene that killed it for me was when Padme was packing her clothes.

Excuse me, did you EVER see anyone packing their goddamned clothes in a Star Wars movie? No! You see plenty of dialogue when they are on fucking spaceships!! I was just waiting to see her pack her Love Stick 2000 vibrator, or perhaps her sunscreen or sandals. What a horrible scene.

"I'm gunna be the greatest Jedi EVUH!!!"

p.s. I will buy your toys. Especially the carbonite Han Solo. But you gotta admit, Yoda is a pimpdaddy. And, that Luminara Unduli bitch is bad ass.

Ok. The carbonite solo is NOT being sold. We once dressed DJ up as Han Solo in carbonite. It wasn't even Halloween.

I guess I really don't want to part with the toys. But I'll take some cam shots of me playing with them.

I have to agree with the two stars rating. It was a vast improvement over Ep. 1 (but then, damn near anything would have been) but it's nowhere near the original series. Face it, in the last twenty years, George Lucas grew up and became more interested in selling toys to kids than entertaining anyone over age 6.

The movie had the worst fucking acting I've seen in a looooong time. Even Samuel L. Jackson & Ewan McGregor were bad & I didn't think that was possible. And, I'm sorry...Hayden Christenson is the "next big thing"? I don't think so. He's an awful actor. The storyline is beyond weak. I agree with the reviewer who said GL should hire a real screenwriter & real director next time. The man apparently can't write anymore and scenes are too short and bounce back & forth with no rhyme or reason. Also, some of the animation is very obviously CGI. It's distracting. Finally, the people who made Gladiator should seriously be pissed off. Lucas shamelessly stole half the damn movie.

Bitching aside, it didn't completely suck. Some of the animation is great though mostly when the entire scene is animated & there are no live actors. The city of Coruscant was great but then again, it's mostly seen at night so the real people/props blend in better. There are some great chase and some great fight scenes but not enough to make up for the complete lack of storyline or dialog that doesn't make you want to gag. (If C3PO had made one more bad pun, I was leaving.) I enjoyed seeing the dark side of Anakin but he still whines too much. When he's not whining we get to see just how much anger he has inside. It's a little easier to believe he'll become Darth Vader. I hate that Yoda is completely animated but watching him kick some ass was fun. (But is it just me or did he look like a little green Sam Jackson mini-me while he was doing it?) There's VERY LITTLE JAR JAR though any is still too much. I'm still hoping Anakin's first act as Darth Vader is kill that obnoxious fucking thing.

Did I say two stars? Maybe 1 1/2 is closer. But...you know you're going to see it anyway so just get it over with.

As for all the people saying Hayden Christensen is a bad actor; watch "Life as a House". I think his performance had a lot to do with the poorly written dialogue. Then again I am horribly biased because he is my favourite actor. Oh, and he's Canadian.

I liked it! It was good! to quote
Everyone wants the first 3 starwars movies. Sorry, but those movies have already been made, get over it.

Oops, to quote IronChef

Episode II Sucked WORSE than Episode I. George Lucas must be stopped at all costs. Curse this dreaded fool and his ewoks!

I think Lucas should get some lipo suction on his neck and stop making movies. Star Wars and Empire were great, and even Jedi was ok, but the rest f#!<ing SUCK!!!

All I want for X'mass are Sharon Stone's phone number, and George Lucas' spleen in a jar... =)