It's been a while since I wrote to you last.
We made a deal once that I would stop badmouthing you if you would stop sucking so damn much. Neither one of us held up our end but honestly, Monday, if you didn't suck so damn much I wouldn't have to talk shit about you.
So I'm asking you again, especially today. Your friends Thursday and Friday really messed me up last week, and I think I am owed some weekday karma. As it is, I have to go in at 7am today to give myself extra time to get through my backlog of work. I know at some point today I have to deal with some issues with my ex and to top it all off, its dreary and gray and drizzly outside.
The last thing I need is the usual Monday madness of traffic, lost keys, sick children, black eyes, toaster mishaps, gum on my shoe, cds skipping, lighting the cigarette from the wrong end, stapling my sweater to a document, getting toothpaste on my shirt...well you get the picture. I don't need your typical Monday antics thrown in my face today.
I know you find it amusing when all these things happen one day. I mean, that's your job, basically. To make my day suck. But I'll tell you something, if you make today suck I swear I will run a smear campaign against you right here on this very blog and we will lobby Capitol Hill for your arch nemesis Sunday to get two days instead of one, eliminating the need for you at all. Hah!
Anyhow, if you could find it somewhere in your dark, twisted soul to make this day ok for me, to just lay off a little bit so I can get some work done without having to drop 55 Excedrin migraines within the course of one day, I would really appreciate it. And I will call off my plans to have you eliminated. And maybe talk nice about you. Deal?