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word to your mother

word to your mother

please head over to Raising Hell for the some wonderful Mother's Day sentiments as well as the winners of the Mother's Day contest.

Hey guys, if you're wondering what to do with your wife/mother of your child for Mother's Day, I'll let you in on a secret.

She doesn't want to do anything that involves her cooking or cleaning. She doesn't want to get dressed up. She doesn't want to go somewhere to eat where she has to listen to 10,000 screaming children.

What she wants is an empty house. She wants you to take the kid(s) out so she can sit around in her pajamas watching Lifetime movies and eating ice cream out of the container. And then she wants to take a long, hot shower without being interuppted by shouts of I have to pee! or Where's my rollerblades? or That guy from Columbia House is on the phone again. And then she wants to fall asleep on the couch with a bag of Doritos in one hand and the remote in the other with a baseball game playing on the tv. And then she wants to eat cold chili out of the can and maybe fart a couple of times. Loudly. And then at about 6:00 she wants you to come home and tell her how beautiful she is even though she is wearing baggy sweats and an old band t-shirt and has hot fudge dripping down her chin.

That's what she wants. Well, maybe that's just me.

Now, here is my real Mother's Day sentimental post.

Happy Mother's Day to every mother/step-mother/godmother/grandmother/person who has been like a mother/father who is also a mother....really everyone. Because even if you aren't a mother, your existence has made someone a mother. So yea, Happy Mother's Day.

Oh, and today's site of the day is the decidely unmotherly-like art is for losers

Comments

I took my mom out to lunch on the bay, gave her a slutty cologne/parfum/lotion set, talked politics and showed her a couple hours of Invader Zim. Yesterday, not on the proscribed Day of Brunches. I think it was our best ever.

I think now I'm going to watch Sunday night cartoons and eat apple pie in your honor.

that's what i want, yep, that's it... thank you, michele, for putting it so succinctly!! i shall don plaid pants and eat dreyer's almond praline in your honor.

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