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very punny!

very punny!

I should have read the fine print in my job description. Apparently part of my job is laughing at bad jokes and puns, and answering questions that should remain rhetorical, or unasked.

Working hard or hardly working?
hahahahhahaha, hardly working!

Hot enough for you?
hahaha, this weather is crazy!

How do you make a tissue dance?
Gee, I don't know, sir, how do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
hahahha, I never heard that before. No, really.

Are you going to watch the Islander game tonight?
Yes.
Get the puck out of here, so am I!
Puck. Hahaha, that's a good one. Yea.

Why isn't your sister in today?
She broke her toe.
Oh, did she call a toe truck?
Hahahahaha! Toe truck! You slay me!

Hey, hey, listen to what I just made up: Bush + Dick = Fucked!
Yea, umm....that was funny when I first heard it about two years ago.
Excuse me?
I mean...hahahha, you're a comic genius. You should have your own show. You're like the David Letterman of the courthouse, you're....
You can stop now.
Stop laughing?
No, stop kissing up.
Actually, that was sarcasm.
You're fired.
Excellent. I'll start packing.
Oh, that reminds me of a few jokes.........
I'll make coffee.

I decided to fight fire with fire. Tonight, I am going to brush up on my puns. I'm going to have my father write out every single bad joke he ever told us. I am going to kill them with their own lame sense of humor. Just watch.

Comments

That seems like the proper pun-ishment.

For your collection:

In Moscow, there lived a communist named Rudolph. One day the weather suddenly turned terrible.
"Goodness", exclaimed his wife, "snow!"
"No," said Rudolph,"it's rain!"
"I still say it's snow," yelled the wife.
"Look,", he insisted,"Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

I applaud your efforts and wish you the best of luck.

sorry that this is punless.
if it'll help, I can forward the emails I get from my father... ;)

Here's something you could say.

What type of chair sits outside all day and is irish?

Paddy O' Furniture!

And another:

There was this string that went into a bar, but when the string went to go get a drink, the bartender said, "Sorry buddy, but we don't serve drinks to straws." The straw dejectedly walked out the bar. But then the string suddenly thought of something, put on a disguise and went back into the bar. The bartender looked at him and said,"Weren't you the string that was just in here?"

The String said..."Me? I'm a frayed knot."

A frayed knot! Afraid not! Get it? Get it?
taps microphone Is this thing on?

Well, there are the almost infinite variations on "Thanks" "You're Welcome."

What are those big military vehicles that use giant treads--I think Sherman something is what they're called? "Tanks." you're welcome.

the sticky-uppy things on forks, that you stab the food with? "Tines" you're welcome.

those long teeth in front that dogs have? "fangs" you're welcome.

as I said, all it needs is the creative brain of a seven year old or a sick adult.

At least your co-workers aren't trying to save your soul every damn day.

I have often said the working hard or hardly working thing, but I would never expect anyone to actually laugh at it.

Thanks, I think. It should be an interesting day at work today.