A Small Victory

philo's present, a little late

For his birthday, Philo asked his readers to talk about their destiny. Or belief in destiny. Or destiny related stories. I think about destiny a lot. Sometimes I confuse it with fate, and sometimes I wonder if they really aren't the same thing.

Is this where I am meant to be? Is my path chosen for me? Has everything I have done from when I was born until now, almost 40 years later, been pre-written for me? Suppose time travel is possible. If we can go into the future, then all this has happened already, no? So it's all been laid out already. I'm just following a script I never approved. Maybe.

Suppose this is my destiny. To be where I am right now at this point in my life. Destiny to me denotes greatness. Destiny is a cannon shooting you into the stars. Fate, perhaps is what leads you up to a dead-end job with 75 kids and a can of beans to eat. Fate leads you into a summer camp where a killer stalks kissing couples. Destiny leads you to discovering cures and inventing life saving devices. Destiny is a Nobel Peace Prize. Fate is being gutted by Jason Voorheves. Ok, I'm rambling.

Here I am at almost 40, a bad marriage and several huge mistakes behind me. I'm content in my life but I certainly haven't done anything noteworthy. Unless it is my destiny to be a great secretary or spit on frat boys or be the greatest lover Justin ever had. Then it's all good. But I don't think that's it. I think perhaps my destiny was to have my children. Why else would the gods that rule time and space force me down a path that included marrying a neanderthal? The only decent thing to come out of those years was my children. And that's even debatable sometimes.

So what if my destiny was to be a mother to a person whose destiny it is to do something great and wonderful? Maybe I have served my purpose because Natalie is going to be the greatest novelist that ever lived. Maybe DJ is going to be this incredible scientist or the greatest baseball player ever. Then again, there's always the chance that Natalie will spend her days as a starving artist and DJ will be driving around with dead hookers in his trunk.

I have no idea what destiny is. I have no idea if I believe in it, or believe in fate. Some days I think anything is possible and the world is this mystical wonderful place and we all have a magical part in making life the way it is. And some days I wonder why we are here at all. I think that if there is such a thing as destiny, whatever god or powerful being set it in motion certainly did not mean for the world to turn out like this. Because if I have a destiny, then so does everyone else. Arafat and bin Laden and Jeffrey Dahmer and Pauly Shore. So in that respect, destiny does not necessarily have to be good.

So maybe I was meant to have my kids, but their destiny was set on course for bad instead of good, and when DJ starts driving I should check his trunk every so often. Or I was meant to be nothing except a secretary who is good in bed.

You know, I can live with that.

Happy Birthday, Philo. If there is such a thing as destiny, I hope yours is fun and interesting and full of love.