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dreams, movies and happy endings

QOD

dreams, movies and happy endings

I dreamed a movie last night. I had been sitting alone in a movie theater, surrounded by empty seats, my nervous cough echoing in the silence. The lights went out and the movie started. A movie for one.

It was like one of those old 8mm home movies. Scratchy, grainy film. No sound. Muted colors. It was my marriage. From beginning to end. I watched the whole thing pass, it took maybe five minutes for those seven years to pass before my eyes, and right there on the old pull-down movie screen was everything that ever happened in those years. The speed of the movie made everything pass by in a flash, but my mind comprehended each event as if it unfolded before me, with every spoken word and nuance and tear happening again.

The wedding, where my father sat in the limo with me outside the church and asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this. That I could still back out.

The fights, the days without him speaking to me, the gambling, the silence.

The day he left me in the city. The night he didn't come home. The parties and family gatherings and doctor's appointments and teacher conferences I went to alone.

Cashing in the kids' bonds to go grocery shopping. Thinking the bills were paid when they weren't.

Forgotten birthdays. Broken promises.

The movie ended, that last day in October of 1997 when the promise to fix the washing machine became the proverbial camel, straw, broken back.

I sat there in the movie theater, stunned. I thought I was going to cry. I didn't. I got up and walked out and asked the cashier for my money back. I was promised a happy ending. I was promised happily ever after. I didn't get it and now I want my money back, I explained. My grandfather, dead ten years now, was standing in the cashier's booth. He looked and me and said You're getting your happy ending. That was just the beginning of the movie. Now go home, this theater is closed.

I woke myself up. I moved over slightly, touching Justin's arm and as always, he instinctly, in his sleep, wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close to him.

This, I thought, is my happily ever after.

Roll credits. The End.

Posted by on April 10, 2002 05:39 AM |

Comments

Michele!Your grandfather has come to you thru your dreams and you should be so delighted!!!
Take note of what he said for i guarantee you it WILL come true.

Posted by: Nicole | April 10, 2002 06:18 AM

Your life is only as good as the sequel. And the sequel is always unfolding. (my warped adaption of a quote from a famous filmaker who said, "You're only as good as your next film.") I prefer a quote by my sausage fingered, curly haired friend Franklin who would say in response to conversations about pasts and futures, "Be here, now."

Posted by: chris | April 10, 2002 06:57 AM

Whether it was your grandfather or your subconscious, that dream told you that everything is going to work out for you. Good luck and congrats on leaving a bad situation and finding the complete opposite!

Posted by: Daria | April 10, 2002 07:43 AM

:)
I, too, am living my happy ending.
Sometimes it doesn't seem real. I keep waiting for something to go wrong, for the other shoe to drop, so to speak.

Well, I used to anyway. Now I just enjoy it and I don't ask questions!

Posted by: Jen | April 10, 2002 07:50 AM

did your dad really tell you that you could still back out? my dad knows nothing about love or people, but if my mom said that, i would run for the hills. seriously. i don't know when parents become psychic, but it seems like all of the good ones are.

congratulations on your happy ending. you deserve it!

Posted by: redsugar | April 10, 2002 10:48 AM

Best of luck getting your handsome reward, your happy ending!

Posted by: James | April 10, 2002 11:10 AM

you oughta have a warning system - you know how i feel about happy endings

Posted by: g | April 10, 2002 11:31 AM

that was a most beautiful dream
i am happy for you

Posted by: melissa | April 10, 2002 12:45 PM

Beautiful. I envy you.

Posted by: Peanut Gallery | April 10, 2002 01:59 PM

Oh my God. That's beautiful. That is so beautiful. Enjoy your happy ending.

Posted by: Nancy | April 10, 2002 03:48 PM

happily ever afters are the best.

Posted by: kd | April 10, 2002 04:07 PM

goosebumps.

Posted by: sarah | April 10, 2002 05:45 PM

well said. well dreamed. this was just beautiful.

Posted by: portia | April 10, 2002 10:30 PM

Wow.

Posted by: John | April 11, 2002 01:05 AM

And some people say our dreams don't mean anything. This is proof positive that they do.

I have tears in my eyes.

Posted by: sandra | April 11, 2002 01:50 PM

ditto on the wow. i love dreams. and grandpas.

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