the last supper
the last supper
DJ thinks he's Jesus.
My mother took him to see Jesus Christ, Superstar at the local theater last week. He's been obsessed ever since. He doesn't just want to be Jesus. He wants to be a singing, dancing Jesus. I normally wouldn't be totally alarmed. He went through this phase after seeing Les Miz. He would randomly belt out songs wherever he was. The mall, school, second base. Yes. He would stand on second base during Little League games singing "Master of the House" at the top of his lungs.
So now he's walking around, singing What's the buzz, tell me what's happening and pretending to be Jesus. At dinner last night, he called us his disciples. He asked us to drink his blood. And then he revitalized the Catholic church.
"You know that Hockey's Greatest Hits tape we have?" he said. "Man, if they did stuff like that at church I would be there every Sunday!"
"What?" my mother asked. "You mean, like the priest cross-checking the people who come up for communion?"
"Sure! And they could all wear helmets and stuff. And carry sticks. And there would be a penalty box instead of a confession box. And I would be Jesus. And I would stand up there and point at someone and say 5 minutes in the box for cursing! And when someone did something good the red light would come on and everyone would stand up and cheer."
We all stared at him. He started singing. Ten minutes after I'm dead, one of you denies me, one of you betrays me. He asks which one of us will be his Judas. I tell him if he doesn't finish his "last supper" soon he won't be getting any ice cream.
He goes back on the hockey/church tangent. He decides that when he rules the world through religion, the Rangers will never lose. I explain to him that he can't use his powers that way. Which then leads us into a discussion of Star Wars as religion and whether or not Darth Vader would be the enemy of Jesus or if Yoda was really like a Jesus in a muppet costume.
Natalie brings the conversation down a little by pointing out that religion causes war. She also asks about creation and makes the announcement that she no longer believes that God created the world. DJ notices that Natalie has pimples forming on her face. "I can make your zits go away," he says. She cries. He makes fun of her. My mother tells him Jesus would not make fun of his sister. Natalie retorts by telling everyone, loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear, that DJ cried himself to sleep the other night when the Rangers were eliminated from the playoff race. DJ crawls under the table. Dinner is officially over.
Later on, as I am tucking him into bed, DJ says he needs to tell me something. He leans close to me and whispers in my ear.
"I'm not really Jesus. I was just kidding."
"Oh, you don't say. You had me fooled."
"And I really don't want to be Jesus either"
"It's too much work to be nice all the time. Jesus didn't have a sister to deal with."
Just another night.