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things i just don't get

things i just don't get:

women who wear high heels with sweat pants
the man in Nathan's who dyed his combover platinum blonde
the appeal of country music
Larry King
Carrot Top
people who try to get on an elevator before everyone has gotten off
basic chemistry
pooping animal keychains
Dick Vitale
Adam Sandler movies
Dr. Phil
people with bad hygiene
why some days I can think of a million things to write and some days I have nothing but filler.


While merging onto the highway - people who have to speed up to get ahead of you (thus preventing you from being able to merge, as the merge lane quickly runs out), so they can get on the exit and immediately slow down.

The new Pepsi ads
clothes items that are supposed to match
American cheese food

What on earth are pooping animal keychains?

Sweatpants in public. Something about a 250 pound guy browsing a magazine section or computer game section at Best Buy while wearing sweatpants give me the creeps. Bad Hygiene is usually in tow as well.

So ummm... you don't want those fishsticks?
Yummy :-)

And what exactly is it you don't get about algebra?

I just could never get past that whole x y thing. I was ok with numbers. Once they added letters into the equation my brain exploded.

Admitting your math illiteracy to a math genius is like telling your English teacher the only thing you read Mad Magazine.

That elevator thing is the worst. What i have to deal with more often, though, is people who stand in front of the doors on the subway. The doors open, everyone is trying to get off, but people stand outside totally uncomprehending of the fact that 20 people are trying to get past them. I've taken to just standing still in the doorway with my arms raised so no one can get in or out until people move out of the way. It works, and maybe people will think next time. Of course they wont, but I can hope.

As someone who enjoys Adam Sandler movies, country music and those 1800-CALL-ATT ads featuring Carrot Top, I'm probably not qualified to respond. I'm with you on Dr. Phil, though. I don't get his appeal. It seems to me like he's just someone who likes to abuse others, using his Oprah-endorsed fame, alleged doctorate and "talk to the hand" attitude to cover it up.

I'm not a big guy, but when that happens on the subway or an elevator, I put both elbows out in front of me, say as loud as I can in the snarling-est voice I can "EXCUSE ME" or I parrot whatever the subway announcer has said about stepping back from the doors.

Even if it doesn't work, it's a good excuse to elbow people, and most of them won't even say anything because frankly, you're in the right.

The rest, I can't really speak to.

Carrot Top... True confession: I once tried to think about having sex with Carrot Top, out of sheer curiosity...but pulled a blank. My mind wouldn't let me.

victory things

victory things

victory things

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