bring it on home
bring it on home
Again. I am sick again. This has been the cruelest winter, ever. And don't tell me it's not winter anymore, I won't believe you. I still have the heat on. That means winter.
We get notices home from school when there is a communicable disease going around. I flip through the kids' folders and see notices for bowling, cookie sales, field trips, strep throat, standardized tests, mono, head lice. Yes, always the head lice. We have never suffered that, thankfully. So this winter has been a constant deluge of flyers warning about weird rashes and red throats and pocky skin and the nasty stomach virus that wouldn't die. Oh, and that fever thing that was going around. Just a fever, nothing else.
So of course, my kids have brought home everything. They can't be like other kids and just bring home artwork and leftover yogurt that makes their lunchbox smell like a slaughterhouse. No, they bring home the diseases. Every one of them. The thing is, they get these things for a day or two, and they're over it. Just like that. Neither of them have missed more than one day at a time. What's that old saying? Children are resilient. Yes. They bounce back from everything. Maybe all those fortified vitamins and real fruit juice concentrate found in Nickelodeon gummy snacks have built up their immune system. Lord knows that my daily dose of vitamins and folic acid and real, honest to goodness fruit hasn't done anything for me.
The kids stay home one day, recover nicely and skip off to school and activities the next day. And I'm home, lying on the couch and begging for one more dose of NyQuil. Sometimes the kids don't even get the disease first. We just get the notice and next thing you know, I've come down with whatever is going around the school. Either the notices have been sprayed with the spittle of the kid who started the illness going in the first place, or my kids are just carriers.
I tried to sleep last night between the coughing and the sniffing and burning in my throat. I took more NyQuil than is humanly digestible and it must have acted as some sort of hallucinagenic after the third dose, because I dreamed of a webloggers convention where everyone took the form of movie monster. You think it would be a scary dream, right? Nope, because I was Ash from Evil Dead and I took you all on and won. And after I massacred the whole lot of you evil creatures, I sat in the hotel lobby and ate butter and jelly on crackers. And when I sipped my tea from a dainty, flowered cup, I held my pinky out like a sophisticate, while your monstrous bodies lay at my feet. The stench of death was in the air and when I drank my tea it tasted of victory and blood.
I woke up with a NyQuil hangover and a post-nasal drip that was making me gag. For once, I am going to stay home from work without a sick kid to take care of. I am going to sit on the couch all day and read and watch bad daytime tv and nod off every once in a while to dream about conquering the webloggers from hell.