A Small Victory

what rhymes with fetus?

Things seen on the way to work today:

1. A man standing on the side of the road, in the freezing rain/sleet/hail, wearing a denim shirt tucked into way-too-tight jeans, which were tucked into way-too-absurd cowboy boots. The outfit was topped off with a cowboy hat which was adorned with a silver star on the front. I imagine that he was waiting until high noon to take out his six-shooter.

2. A plastic doll in the middle of the road, head and legs pulled apart from the body and strewn in the right hand lane like the wreckage of a make-believe car accident.

3. The remains of a raccoon, crushed and bloody and strangely reminiscent of the plastic doll.

4. A sign that said "Let us Lube You Good!"

The first phone call today was from a person who said he was suffering from "pugilistic dementia" and who promised me, though it is of no concern of mine, that he would never get arrested for walking into his old high school again.

The second phone call was obviously a wrong number, but I could not convince the woman on the phone of that. For five full minutes she insisted that I should be able to procure circus tickets for her or at least tell her whether or not the elephants are trained "humanisticly" whatever that should mean. I really would have liked to stayed on the line with her. She was rather...interesting. I couldn't however, because...

A co-worker and I realized that the ancient mail lady looks like a fetus. We spent the rest of the morning composing limericks about it, and because....

I seem to once again have come into work with toothpaste on my shirt and I am no longer defending myself against the people who swear it is a bodily fluid. Instead, I am making up sordid stories about pulling over on the way to work for a good lube with a sidewalk cowboy.

Is it Friday yet?