« fashion victim | Main | tidbits 3.03 »

the internet according to jesus

the internet according to jesus

So I hear Jesus invented the internet. So I'd like to pose a few questions to him then. [link via christine, who made the al gore joke i was thinking of]

1. If you brough the internet to us, why are you letting Bill Gates, who is obviously a minion of Satan, control it?
2. Can you do something about Doubleclick?
3. Is this you? Or is this you? And what do you think of this?
4. What do you think about my chocolate jesus idea?
5. Do you have a blog?
6. Is AOL really necessary?
7. How come the only people making money on the net are the ones selling porn? That can't possibly be what you had in mind.
8. Maybe you should add some commandments to reflect your great invention. Like, thou shalt not have websites with flashing, animated gifs and Metallica midis. Or thou shalt not butcher the English language in instant messages.
9. Do you have AIM? What's your buddy icon?
10. Do you have a wager going with hell.com on who gets the most hits in a week?
11. I know this has nothing to do with the internet, but now that I have your attention, what did you think of Jesus Christ, Superstar? Does Andrew Lloyd Weber go to heaven or hell for that?
12. You know Scott Stapp? He's been impersonating you. Want me to take him down?

Anything you want to ask Jesus while we have his attention?


Jesus can't come out to play this afternoon, he's grounded.

"I'm Brian, and so's my wife."

snort Sure, I may have made the Gore joke, but you took it to a whole new level. You did know I had you in mind the entire time I made that post, right? Good. I figured you did. Between the Lent discussion, the former Catholic discussion (it was the Vatican after all that pointed out that Jesus brought us the Internet) and the Chocolate Jesus stuff ... well, you were the first person I thought of. I still think I could probably find you a Chocolate Jesus mold, and if not I know a company that makes them. Christmas & Easter, you would have a big hit!

While you were linking sites to ask him about you missed the Jesus vibrator, you know...

Don't forget the jesus buttplugs.

Todd: Life of Brian.

Internet porn is God's gift to mankind. Especially us fat , ugly, small dicked ones. Porn and beer, that is. Okay, porn, beer, and cable television. Not butt plugs though. Butt plugs are definitely the devil's invention. Unless they're made in pretty colors and marketed to women. God did that to fight back against satan. So resist the devil. Buy a pink butt plug for your lady. Praise god, and pass the KY and remote. Can I get another fuckin beer over here?

So Jesus, how 'bout turning this Poland Spring warehouse into some fine malt liquor?

Ask him what have the Romans ever done for us?!

Todd, I swear to...well, God...that I read that as "what have the Ramones ever done for us?!" My way is much funnier.

DoubleClick, AOL and Microsoft, oh my.

Ask if He uses His Name when He swears.