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the golden rule

do not pee in the millenium falcon

Every family has those special sayings. The ones that only the people in their family know the meaning of, usually related to some inside joke or a story that is the family's version of an urban legend.

Yes, we have them. We have several, actually, but this is my most often used saying and my favorite just for the looks I get from other people when I say it.

When DJ turned four (you just knew this would have something to do with DJ, didn't you?) he was a Star Wars freak of the highest order. Ok, we all were. For his birthday that year, he got a whole batch of Star Wars toys, including this humungous replica of the Millenium Falcon, complete with flashing lights and sound effects. He enjoyed this present immensely, often playing with it for hours at a time. He would sometimes take his figures from other toy sets - knights and pirates and cowboys - and put them in the Millenium Falcon. He would then have Han Solo boss them around. It was fun to watch.

So one day I go in his bedroom and I notice a strange odor. I can't quite put my finger on what it is, and I start looking around the room for moldy food or drink cups or small, dead animals. Finally, I pinpoint where the smell is coming from. The Millenium Falcon. I look into it, and see that a small flood has invaded its interior. Han Solo and Pocahantas are floating together in a stream of.....of....what's that? Piss?? Piss in the Millenium Falcon? I went ballistic. I screamed and yelled and acted sufficiently horrified, all the while fighting the urge to let out this maniacal laugh. The laughter that comes from witnessing the absurd.

DJ stood there watching me, a small grin playing around the corners of his mouth. He wanted to smile. He wanted to laugh. Hell, he wanted to do a jiggy dance right there because his little antic served its purpose. He wanted a reaction. He got it. I didn't really know what else to say at the point. So I put my hand on my hip and pointed sternly at him. "Young man," I said. "You do not pee in the Millenium Falcon!" He nodded his head in agreement, still stifling that laugh. I made him take the offending toy outside, hose it down and the throw it in the garbage can. Which, of course, made him cry and realize the gravity of his action.

A couple of days later, we are in Chucky Cheese. They have one of those big, winding tunnels that the kids can crawl through and torment each other. It's suspended about 8 feet above the rest of the play area and it's basically impossible to get to the kids when you want to leave. The kids know this. I read my kids the riot act before they go to play. Coming here is a privilege, I explain. When I say it's time to go, we go. So an hour later it's time to go and they look down at me from the opaque orange tube of kiddie hell and stick their tongues out at me. I go to the end of the tube and yell at them. They laugh. I say something about taking good things for granted. They laugh. I then yell "Do not pee in the Millenium Falcon!" Heads turn, the place goes quiet. Everyone is staring. Two seconds later, the kids are down the slide and in their coats. They knew what I meant.

The phrase has found its place in the twisted lingo of our family. We use it at opportune moments, in our home and in public, and it always makes its point and gets the job done.

Do not pee in the Millenium Falcon. Our family's golden rule.

Comments

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giggle

Sounds more like a Yellow rule...

I'm going to be giggling for the next two or three hours while I mutter your er..."golden" rule to myself. There is nothing as funny as children. And a good bathroom story.

You will now have, no doubt, several other families stealing this phrase from your family and using it for their very own.

And, I promise I will never, ever pee in the Millenium Falcon.

You know that I'm taking "Mom lessons" from you, right? Because, honesttoGod, I've no idea how you did that without cracking up. I mean, I would have been like, "ewwww," but at the same time, want to run in the other room and laugh my ass off.

I'm taking notes here... :D

Very funny story. That's one of the best examples of 'family codephrases' I've ever heard. But shouldn't it be a Golden 'Shower' instead of a Golden 'Rule'?

Whoops! Did I just PITMF?

Great, now I'll never be able to watch Star Wars without giggling at inappropriate moments.

That story is just too funny!

gees, shouldn't you be establishing a DJ therapy fund on paypal for when he discovers this entry?

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!! Definitely "golden"

oh that made my day :D

Please oh please oh please contribute that to the next Macros. it's a zine a friend publishes, all somewhat obscure in-jokes or sayings, all that make your sides split with laughter. Get me to tell you the "no cobra" story sometime. or the "it's not a shawk, it's a stoygen" one. Hoo boy. But seriously. Contribute, get a free copy. Yum.
http://www.macros2000.com/mag.htm

nah, no way i'd have kept a straight face -- or been able to make him throw away a beloved toy, just 'cause he peed in it (i figure peeing must be such a novelty for little boys, what with being able to aim and stuff). yeah, i'm Pushover Mom.

That is soooo hilarious! Quite the richest insider pee joke I've ever heard.

You are too cool,

KD, there was just no way to get it cleaned well enough without ruining the interior of it. I just couldn't bring myself to put it back inside the house.

I would have been so pissed. (badum-bum)

I got a big giggle out of that, and I thought I'd share my own Star Wars story...

I was about 5 or 6 when the original Star Wars hit the theatres for the first time. (This will likely make you either feel very young or very old!) We were living in northern Virginia. My parents, both being sci-fi nuts, decided to go into DC to see in Dupont Circle on the biggest screen around and with gasp Dolby sound (ooooo!).

I was frightened of lots of things as a little kid, including loud noises. My parents, who had already seen it once, warned me that it might be a little scary. I was prepared, and really excited to be seeing a grown-up movie.

The movie started. The big ship flew overhead. The battle in the corridor ensued, and as the music turned ominous and camera panned in on the door at the end of the hallway, I climbed into the nearest parent's lap and whispered:

"When I said I wanted to see this movie, I didn't mean right now."

That phrase has stuck in our family, and has been used to express the "I'm having cold feet about this" sentiment ever since.

LOL. i love it. definitely a noteworthy "golden" rule.

pardon the pun. heh.

YOU DO NOT PEE IN THE MILLENIUM FALCON. IT IS AN INSULT. I;m sure Han must have been royally pissed. =D

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