I'll spork your eyes out
read my crack story at bad sam: next gen. yea, crack. not that kind.
I'll spork your eyes out
Phone call last night. It was Natalie's friend's mother.
"Can Annie come over tomorrow?"
Warning sign number one. Twelve year old girls generally do not have their mother make "play dates" for them.
Well, we are busy in the late afternoon, I tell her.
"Ok, how about the morning, then?"
I think, morning. She must mean mid morning, and that's fine, I suppose. I tell her ok.
"OK, so 8:30 is good?"
Warning sign number two. No one makes arrangements for their kids to get together at 8:30 in the morning.
I mumble something under my breath.
"Oh, good I'll drop her off at 8:30 then. And Natalie's party is at 7, right?"
Sirens go off. I hear bells and whistles. Danger, Will Robinson! She's going to ask for Annie to spend the whole entire day here, up until the party. I say yes, the party is at 7.
I cut her off. I tell her we have plans in the afternoon and she will have to pick up Annie by noon.
"Oh, I was hoping....hmm. What are your plans?"
No. Annie is not coming with us. Frankly, I don't like Annie. She's pushy and shovey and in your face. I tell the mom we are going out with some friends to celebrate our kids' collective birthdays. And that if she wants I will drop Annie off at noon. And then we will see her again at 7 at the party.
"Oh well. I guess I'll just have to find someone else to take Annie at noon. I won't be home until 5. (big dramatic sigh) I guess I'll have to come home from lunch and get her and drop her off somewhere else."
Yes, you will. Because if you wanted me to babysit, you should have just come right out and said it. And because you knew well in advance you would be working. You didn't think of finding someone to watch Annie sooner?
I hang up with her, feeling like I was just made out to be the bad guy. Even though her daughter is coming over at 8:30 on a day where my kids had the chance to sleep in.
Annie arrives this morning at 8:20. She walks around the house. Opens the fridge. Takes off her coat and throws it on the floor. Kicks off her shoes and asks what's for breakfast.
"Geez, your house is a mess," she says. I tell her it's 8:30. I haven't had a chance to clean yet.
"Well those look like last night's dinner dishes to me," she says. I smile politely and clench my teeth. My eyes are saying "you are so dead you little bastard," while my voice is actually defending myself to a twelve year old snob.
It's going to be a long couple of hours. It's going to take all of my strength not to gouge Annie's eyes out with a spork. Would that be rude of me, to blind someone's child while I am babysitting them? I think that under the circumstances.....