Sometimes when a really annoying person is talking to me, I tune them out and chant "i hate you" over and over again in my head until they are done.
Sometimes, when I am driving through an underground parking garage, I duck my head.
Sometimes I imagine I work in a jigsaw puzzle factory, and I throw away one piece from each puzzle just to fuck with people.
Sometimes, if I have to speak in front of a group of people, instead of imagining them in their underwear like most people do to keep from being nervous, I imagine that they are all dead.
Sometimes, when someone says that the Magnolia is the best movie they ever saw, I want to kick them in their shins. And if they say that Creed is the best band that ever existed, I want to gouge their eyes out with a spoon.
Sometimes, when we are looking for something different to do, I will take all the couch cushions and throw them on the living room floor, put on some old Sepultura and teach the kids how to stage dive.
Sometimes Belle and Sebastian will come on the winamp right after Rammstein and I feel like I want to kick my own ass.
Sometimes I wish life was a musical and that music would come out of nowhere and we would all break into songs that we know all the words to and dance in total synchronization. In an Oklahoma! sort of way, not a Cop Rock sort of way.
Sometimes I find myself watching Nickelodeon even when the kids aren't home.
Sometimes I fall asleep with the remote in my hand, and I change the channels in my sleep and I start dreaming that I am on C-Span.
Sometimes I take the covers off the Sharpies just to sniff them.
Sometimes I think if I try hard enough, I really could make The Force work.
Sometimes I think my time and resources could be better spent.