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sometimes i.......

sometimes i.......

Sometimes when a really annoying person is talking to me, I tune them out and chant "i hate you" over and over again in my head until they are done.

Sometimes, when I am driving through an underground parking garage, I duck my head.

Sometimes I imagine I work in a jigsaw puzzle factory, and I throw away one piece from each puzzle just to fuck with people.

Sometimes, if I have to speak in front of a group of people, instead of imagining them in their underwear like most people do to keep from being nervous, I imagine that they are all dead.

Sometimes, when someone says that the Magnolia is the best movie they ever saw, I want to kick them in their shins. And if they say that Creed is the best band that ever existed, I want to gouge their eyes out with a spoon.

Sometimes, when we are looking for something different to do, I will take all the couch cushions and throw them on the living room floor, put on some old Sepultura and teach the kids how to stage dive.

Sometimes Belle and Sebastian will come on the winamp right after Rammstein and I feel like I want to kick my own ass.

Sometimes I wish life was a musical and that music would come out of nowhere and we would all break into songs that we know all the words to and dance in total synchronization. In an Oklahoma! sort of way, not a Cop Rock sort of way.

Sometimes I find myself watching Nickelodeon even when the kids aren't home.

Sometimes I fall asleep with the remote in my hand, and I change the channels in my sleep and I start dreaming that I am on C-Span.

Sometimes I take the covers off the Sharpies just to sniff them.

Sometimes I think if I try hard enough, I really could make The Force work.

Sometimes I think my time and resources could be better spent.

Comments

Anyone of female persuasion who voluntarily rocks out to Sepultura is one pretty neat gal. Rock on.

sometimes, i LOVE the looks i get for laughing outloud for reading good humor online.

I only pretend to read you, I only pretend to read you, I only pretend to read you...

The Force is strong with this one.

I think those are all pretty healthy practices. I hope my next job (there will be a next job, someday, won't there?) will not require jigsaw fantasies, but I'll keep some in my arsenal just in case.

Sometimes I think I am very attractive and something is wrong with the men of the world.

Sometimes I think I am grotesque and fat.

Sometimes I truly dance naked in front of my cat.

Sometimes I think wierd thoughts in the elevator just to see if anyone in there will glare at me, because they are psychic.

Sometimes I drink so much coffee that I lose all inhibitions.

Sometimes I dream I was adopted, and my REAL family isn't so crazy.

Sometimes I am so tempted to kiss random guys on the street.

Sometimes I see a cute guy on the bus and I mentally plan out our whole lives together.

Sometimes I watch drag queens performing Celine Dion and I want to beat them senseless with thier chunky platform heels.

Sometimes I think I am psychic. or psychically inclined, at least.

well, what's your midichlorian count? surely not as high as yoda's, or even obi-wan's...

so, thinking totally randomly, i combined one of michele's "somtimes"s with one of shel's "sometimes", and now i picture shel walking down the street, picking a guy to kiss, and alluva sudden, they start singing "you're the one that i want... you-hoo-hoo".

and me? Sometimes i scare people... like, now.

How inviting :) I'll do this in my own blog... :)

this isn't c-span? All this time I thought my comments were going out to Dubya's advisors...no wonder he can't pronounce nuclear yet...

Things I miss sniffing:

Those old-style markers we had in grade school that really could get you high. I pretended I just needed to have my nose close to the poster to see what I was doing.

Hand-written tests in purple still wet from whatever copying process that was.

Fresh boxes of 64 crayons.

Easter egg coloring made with vinegar and hot water.

A washing machine full of warm water, RIT dye and my bedspread, which my mother let me dye whatever color I wanted as often as I wanted.

New Play-Doh.

When water splashes on my windshield, I turn my head.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's
worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
-- Woody Allen, Without Feathers
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