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the blahs, the blues and the bitchiness

the blahs, the blues and the bitchiness

I'm bored.

I'm having one of those all-emcompassing moments where everything is just boring the living crap out of me. 4,000 songs on my Winamp: I don't want to hear a single one of them. 22 games on the computer: not one of them interests me. Nothing I want to see on TV. I do not want to watch any of our DVDs or videos or play any of our video games. The magazines and books are piled up on the end table, collecting dust. Nothing in the fridge or the cabinets seems enticing. I look over my choices for the day - food, entertainment, chores and whatnot - and I feel choked with the sameness of it all.

I look over my entries from the past few days and all I see is "blah blah blah blah" instead of real words. I know this is all probably momentary, I'm probably just going to have one of those days where nothing excites me, where I can't make a decision, where I just lay on the couch and try to get the motivation to get off of my ass and DO SOMETHING.

Maybe it's winter. Winter tires me. The grey, the cold, the promise of exciting snowstorms that never materialize, the bare trees, the streets void of playing children. I look across the street and see the neighbor's pool, covered in tarp for the winter. There's a swingset that's begging for summer and in my own yard, bicycles that want to be ridden. You walk outside and every day looks and feels the same. Cold, ugly, not dark nor light, but somewhere in between, as if there is a constant cover of gloom over the sun.

At some point boredom gives way to annoyance. Every little thing will bother me. The dog barking outside. The neighbor who drives past the house with his bass thumping so loud I can feel my chair move. A page that won't load up at the lightning speed to which I am accustomed.

And my stats are broke. At least I hope they are broke or just wrong. When I moved this page last week, I went ahead and moved the sitetracker to track this page. I still had the sitemeter up at the old page. Yet when I check my stats, even adding both of them together, something is off. (Yes, I do obsess about these things. I never said I wasn't vain). So instead of the 300 hits a day I am used to seeing, I am now seeing 50 or 60. I honestly can't figure out what's wrong, and in this bored, shallow, annoyed phase I am in, I am throwing tantrums and spitting out curses and totally convincing myself that the viewers of this page dropped by about oh...200 a day or so since the changeover.

So today I will console myself by writing long rambling posts about absolutely nothing while listening to Hayden songs. I will at some point pretend to be interested in the Super Bowl and maybe go food shopping and take some deranged glee in voting for someone in the biggest jerk category of the anti-bloggies and miss my kids. Which is where the real problem lies, of course. That I miss my kids on the weekends. No matter how much I bitch about them during the week, and no matter how much I say I enjoy my free time, I miss them and I miss their whining and complaining and crumbs and messes, and I miss having the opportunity to just laze around the house with them on a weekend morning and I'm really fucking annoyed that I spent a month perfecting Natalie's birthday party to cater to her every whim and bent over backwards making this murder mystery thing for her so she can have the greatest birthday ever and then she calls me yesterday breathless and giddy and saying that yes, she will have the greatest birthday ever because her father got her Nsync tickets and how fucking shallow and selfish am I to be even the slightest bit annoyed by that?

Ok, had no idea that was coming, did you? I sure didn't. In lieu of smoking, I shall now go bang my head against the wall a few times.


oh yea, yesterdays' question of the day still stands

Comments

shheeeit - you don't even bleed for another few weeks....

can't you sue for sole custody - i mean nsynch? ins't that cruel and unusual torute? ain't that what theyr'e doing to the taliban in camp x ray>?

Extreme trackers don't like being moved or looked at funny - I used to have one that would count for a week, then not, then count, then not.... Infuriating. My advice would be to replace it with sitemeter (www.sitemeter.com) or re-install the extreme one.

Do you have it listed as just the page itself, or did you include the index.html after it? One or the other might be the problem. I've noticed they get a little bitchy if you don't include the index file.

Also, the drop-off is probably more because there are slackers who won't update their links, and are still clicking through from your other page, and since most trackers won't count hits from your own site, that's more than likely the culprit.

I fixed the problem. The technical name for it was: I Am A Fucking Idiot!

See, when you move your stats tracker it always helps to actually put the code on the page you want tracked.

Hello. If you are owner of this site, delete this message, please.

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