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so, does anyone else collect chicken broth?

so, does anyone else collect chicken broth?

I have a shopping problem. I like to buy in bulk.

It's not even one of those Costco/Price Club bulk binge problems. Because I don't buy the bulk all at once. I just collect items until they become bulk quantity.

I've been this way since I was little. I was a hoarder. I would take canned goods, candy bars, those little boxes of cereal and put them under my bed. I once packed a suitcase full of silverware, napkins, canned fruit and, of course, a can opener. I hid it in my closet, sure that one night a hurricane or earthquake or tidal wave or alien invasion would necessitate my having a suitcase full of sliced peaches ready to go. I was always prepared for the worst, ready to stave off starvation by just reaching under my bed. Eventually my mother realized what I was doing and took all my supplies back, muttering something about therapy.

This quirk persisted into high school and beyond, when I would buy pot in mass quantities and store it away in my nightstand in case there was a nuclear war and I was the last one standing and needed to spend the rest of my lonely days in a hazy oblivion.

Eventually my pack rat sensibilities crossed over into other areas. I saved months worth of Creem magazines to read when I was under quarrantine when the inevitable plague arrived. I bought loose leaf paper by the box, sure that I would need it all to write down my memoirs when I was the sole surivor of an asteroid disaster. At some point, I was able to keep my hoarding impulses under control and I stopped collecting things for future disasters.

You can never keep a good quirk down. A few months ago, I went into the pantry to get hot cups. I stared at the shelves in horror. When did the uncontrollable urge to buy uneeded items in bulk strike me again? I didn't even realize it had started up. But there lining the shelves was the evidence. 6 packages of hot cups. 4 packs of styrofoam bowls, 100 to a pack. Enough paper plates to take down the entire rainforest. I walked around the house in a daze, opening cabinets and drawers and cupboards. 4 Economy sized boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. 12 - yes 12 - cans of coffee. 5 lbs of butter in the freezer. 7 boxes of Success white rice. And somewhere along the line, I must have developed a chicken broth fetish without realizing it. Justin took out the calculator and did a quick survey. All together, in a myriad of cans and those stay-fresh-forever boxes, was 293.5 ounces of chicken broth.

The sad thing is, the compulsion to overbuy doesn't end with food. I have 3 100 count boxes of CD-Rs in my closet. 6 packs of blue Sharpies. 10 marble notebooks. And tampons. I could plug up the Mississippi River with the amount of tampons I have.

Am I subconciously getting ready for a nuclear winter? Am I preparing once again to be the last person standing on earth? Or do I just have really bad buying habits?

Gotta go. ShopRite is having a sale on plastic forks.

Comments

You can never have too many plastic forks.

you can never have too much coffee either...

don't worry, it's a thing programmed into all catholics from birth since the potato famine, collect, hoard, collect...you never know when you might need it.

You're completely nuckin futz.

But I think I love you even more now. :)

i have a thing for stocking up on those little three-for-a-dollar (sometimes four if there's a sale) boxes of Jiffy Corn Bread Mix - there must be two dozen in my cupboard right now.

i don't even like corn bread all that much. but i can't resist a bargain ...

You can never have too many Sharpies. They disappear when you're not watching.

Dang, now I really crave some Jiffy corn bread and there's none here! Just many many rolls of paper towels and TP.

I have a whole cow in my freezer. I just have a standard apartment size fridge too, so don't ask me how it fits.

I have so many boxes of that corn bread mix. It's only 29 cents, how can your resist? I buy the blueberry muffins, even though I never make them.

Don't even get me started on paper towels and TP. Those I buy at Price Club. THe packages are so big they don't even fit anywhere and I've resorted to stacking the toilet paper under the bed.

ARGH! this post, and further with the comments, has been one of the funniest i've found in a long time.

and the comment about the catholics - shit, so that's where the hoarding comes in? i'm totally guilty of that in some ways, too. too much!

I always buy Sharpies in bulk. Not just the common medium tip ones, but the ultra fine tip and the heavy duty wide tip. And then, of course, there are the condoms. Oh, the condoms! I never used to have to buy them -- I usually inherited containers of them. New, of course. Now we buy the orgy economy pack. (I know, TMI, but it's only fair -- you and your tampons, you know.)

I need to have both enough AND a complete backup of enough. I'm fascinated by stacks of the same item. I'm comforted by knowing I can't run out. [Cuz then I guess I'd have to ... gasp ... go to the store.] I bought TP in 12-packs of double rolls even when I lived alone.

You knew all of this, I'm sure.

Hee, hee! Creem Magazine! Haven't thought of that in years!

Dude, if you want to do some Spring cleaning, I'll take one of the 100 CDR spindles.

Hello, have fun with easy blogging!