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curse of the civil servants

curse of the civil servants

I work with cretins. Maybe it's a requirement of government agencies that 90% of the workforce has to have IQs lower than that of a turtle. And of those 90%, at least half of them must have no common sense, no sense of decorum and no class.

There's the two mail people, one older than time itself and the other a portly, greasy slimeball who stands in my doorway and strikes a pose as he asks if I have any files going out. Together, they look like Ren and Stimpy and I giggle whenever they walk past the door. The woman is a crotchety, belligerent drunk who probably was a whore at some point in her life. She tells me graphic stories of sexual abuse in her family, even though I am wearing dictaphone headphones (I don't really do dictaphone, but I put the headphones on when she comes in as a defense).

Most of the women here are over 60 and do not dress for success. They wear the badges of civil service; brightly colored polyester slacks, sweaters embroidered with uplifting sayings or holiday emblems, beehive hairdos and garish lipstick that is mostly worn on their teeth.

Is this my future? At some point, do all civil servants become freaks of nature? Will I start wearing polyster and washing my hair only once a week? I'm afraid, very afraid. I try to envision myself here, at this desk, ten years from now. I don't like what I see. I have this vision of myself, sitting at the computer, reading glasses perched on nose (glasses hanging from a chain of course), saying something like "Damn this newfangled technology! I could be home watching my stories on the tv!" It's not what I want to become, but I think it's written in the by-laws of career choices somewhere that I have no choice.

Ian came up with a list of career options, but unfortunately, I am not qualified for my number one choice of rock star, and street performance is out. I believe I am chained to a job where some days the most challenging thing is getting the New York Law Journal to fold back into the shape it came in.

I like my job, I really do. It's the company I'm forced to keep here that I can't stand. They probably don't like me much either, but that's mainly because of the Bible Pamphlet incident.

So I guess I'm stuck here, but I sure would like to have some kind of guidance as to how to prevent myself from becoming the stereotypical government employee. As it is, I've spent this whole day printing out Boondocks strips and covering my whole bulletin board with them. I've already mastered the "evade real work at all costs" law of goverment work. There has to be an antidote to the civil servant curse. Garlic cloves, wooden stakes, holy water - someone give me a clue as to how to combat the evil that is getting ready to plague me.


tip #1: always shave your legs and pits. ALWAYS. don't slack off and think, "hey, no one will notice", because then you'll start collecting ugly slacks and long-sleeved polyester shirts to hide the fact. yes, Virginia--this is where it all begins.

act disgruntled.

Dress for comfort, but always look i n a full-length mirror before leaving the house. Think, "Would my friends mock me if I showed up for coffee looking like this?"

I am also a government employee (state). What I see around me is truly frightening. I try to keep as much weirdness in my dreary, cinderblock office as possible - just to remind myself that life is different. The Far Side calendar helps too.

i beg to differ. EVERYONE is qualified for rock star.

Just remember, at the very least you can always fall back on the fact that you don't work in the DMV.

Oh sweet, sweet Michele. You described it all so perfectly. Now - just thank the dark lord himself that he made you a woman and not a man, therefore sparing you from the phenomenom whereas male state workers seem to rather piss around, near, and on the urinal, instead of simply in it.

bring plenty of snacks to work. put them in public places but tell others that they can't have any. eat. eat a lot. spend all morning making plans for lunch, by yourself it at all possible. spend the afternoon complaining about being over weight. eat afternoon snack. keep nothing in your desk for tooth or breath improvement. leave early.

oh, did you want tips on how not to become a shlecker? sorry. my bad.

I personnaly like the garlic cloves, wooden stakes and holy water... seems that they would be the most effective way of keeping them away.

Matt, just be aware that male govt. employees like yourself end up looking like Ed Grimley some day.

Aaron, you just described about 99% of the women I work with.

you are queen fag hag of the monkey momma sex

worry not about the future

your gay minions will keep you in plentiful supply of drugs, disco and decadence during your decline into geriatrica...

actually, start worrying...unless you really do wanna become Babs

Forgive me, I'm pretty new around here, but, uh... the Bible Pamphlet incident?

I've held civil service jobs. I quit for pretty much the reasons you mention. Those positions tend to draw people who are all about job security and doing mind-numbing tasks. They are people with souless lives who have forgotten how to live and prefer instead to have a manual of conformity with which they can consult to know how to dress, eat, work, and think. It is all about "just 30 more years and I'll have my government pension" and "this job has good benefeits."

There is no real room for advancement or any sense of accomplishment in the civil service. People are promoted on a regular schedule, earning one tiny pay increase to another, always knowing what their next position will be, when they will get it, and what tasks they will perform in it. Happy to be screwed over, because they are wage slaves who can practically never be fired. Zombies of the mundane, trading so-called security for the adventure of life. Knowing they will never get ahead, but will maintain a middle-class life based on civil service pay schedules.Never doing anything different or new, because that is against the law of government work. Do the same thing the same way it's always been done. That gives you "security"

Oh I'm sorry - did I make you nervious. I'm rambling...I know you will kick ass whatever you do, but I think that is where those people develop from.

Francis, I never actually blogged about the bible pamphlet incident, so you didn't miss anything. Let's just say it had to do with me, a bible-thumping coworker, saving my soul and flying religious pamphlets.

Twenty years from now we'll all be bitching about those young greenhorn whipper-snappers and their executive washrooms, didn't Wil Wheaton deserve that Oscar for "Not without my Weiner" and aren't kids these days just more trouble than they ever were?

Michele - Just keep on grinding away and get your time in....The ONLY good thing about Government (State) employment is the retirement.
I used to think having a state job was like "wow" - - but you know, I got to thinking about our daughter, and she became more important - I didnt' want her to be a latch-key child - - So, I quit after 10 years and now I work at home and LOVE IT. You don't have to put up with the crap of someone getting pissed off because you have to take off work, or that you ran 2 minutes late. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Hello, have fun with easy blogging!

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