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364 shopping days until Christmas

364 shopping days until Christmas

When you are a child, Christmas is all about expectations. When you have children, it becomes all about living up to their expectations. Sometimes it seems all so silly to me, to have this day where we lavish each other with festivly wrapped gifts. I watch my kids open a ton of presents, maybe too many, and I wonder if they get it at all. Neither of them believe in Santa anymore, so what do they think this day is for? I actually get nervous when they open the presents, knowing that they are wondering if what they expected and hoped for will be in one of those boxes.

Eventually I stopped philosphizing and analyzing enough to see that the kids were having a grand old time opening their gifts. For the first year, there was no fighting, no screaming, no pouting, no acting like ugly spoiled brats. Have my kids matured?? Could it be? They were truly thankful for every single thing they opened, offering lots of kisses and hugs, even to each other! Now that's what I call the magic of Christmas.

Rather than go into the details of my family's foray into a day filled with sick jokes, bad puns and the usual sarcasm and cynicism, I'll just give you some random quotes heard at on Christmas day:

[while playing a board game]:

His intials are A.J.! He was in "We Are the World!" You know this!

Artie Johnson?

Ass Jammer?

I'll give 5 dollars to the first person that shoves that guitar up his ass.

What does the second person get?

You know...that woman...the one with the tits?

You mean mom?

He falls asleep if you play with his ears.

I'm the same way when you touch my ass.

What were you two doing in there?

Wrapping presents.

Is that what they're calling it now?

No, that's still called fucking. We were wrapping presents.

Who farted?

Nobody farted. I think Grandpa shit his pants.

The fun will continue tonight as we go out to dinner with the family to "celebrate" the engagement of my sister to Mr. "former heroin addict now born again catholic who thinks the whole world should bow down to Rush Limbaugh and who hasn't worked a full time job in his entire life even though he's 32 years old and whose only means of income is welfare and who sucks my sister's bank account dry and who talks about nothing but himself and who somehow after complaining that he is too sick to work even part time still manages to go to about 50 hair metal reunion concerts in one week and even though he won't let you say 'god damn' in front of him still thinks Motely Crue is the shit" and yea, you can see how much we are looking forward to celebrating this engagement. As with all social engagements that I dread going to, I just look at it as a chance for good blogging material.

Now I have to go find a place for all our new toys.


........and what did u get from Santa this year Michele?

I'll probably blog the whole list later, I'm too busy playing with my toys right now!

Wow. That WAS good blogging material.

You mean Motley Crue ain't the "shit", anymore? Oh heck, time to dust of some Creed. If I don't get to see a lead singer from the 80s twist and turn and writhe in his own arrogance, then how bout on from the late 90s, early "00"s? Scott Stapp, you are one silly man!