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you must learn

you must learn

It's 3:30. I've been up since 3am. I am back on that merry-go-round of nightmares, too-little sleep and days spent acting like I am up for a part in Dawn of the Dead. It's going to be a bah-humbug sort of day.

As promised yesterday, What I've Learned

  • life will never ever imitate your favorite tv show

  • having one good friend is always better than having 20 so-so acquaintances

  • a teacher who fails you with a 64 when 65 is passing is not teaching you a great life lesson, he is just a sadistic fucker

  • no matter how many drugs you are given, childbirth will still hurt like a bastard

  • spending your life riding the handbasket to hell is much more fun than riding in the car with grandma and grandpa to church every sunday

  • special edition of anything is usually not very special

  • xyzzy

  • a band's third cd is usually the worst

  • george lucas is the spawn of satan

  • things like "heartache" and "lump in the throat" are not just sayings, they are real physical inflictions.

  • your parents were right

  • never trust a guy who says "there is nothing in this joint besides pot"

  • never apologize for being who you are. unless you are a serial killer.

  • if you want to be the kind of person that spreads gossip, be prepared to be the kind of person who is the subject of gossip

  • parenting a pre-pubescent girl is the greatest torture in the world

  • lower your expectations, and you are never disappointed

  • as cliche as it may sound, there is no better feeling than a spontaneous hug from a child

  • unconditional love is a gift. never take it for granted

  • the rock stars you idolized when growing up will eventually become old and bitter and you will be embarassed to tell anyone that you once wrote them a fan letter and sealed it with a kiss

  • stuffed animals do not come alive after you are asleep

  • never have orange juice after brushing your teeth

  • sometimes it's ok to be selfish

  • a list can go on forever if you don't forcefully put a stop to it

So, what have you learned?

Posted by on December 21, 2001 03:30 AM |

Comments

sometimes nice doesn't get you anywhere. sometimes you have to be a bitch.

Posted by: sarah | December 21, 2001 05:09 AM

sometimes it just has to be about you and not everyone else.

(psst- thanks for your comment, michele)

Posted by: erika | December 21, 2001 06:01 AM

Sometimes when life's cookie crumbles, you just have to eat the crumbs

Posted by: EdgartheBent | December 21, 2001 06:10 AM

fuck, now you want me to apologize...what next? consistent emails?

Posted by: g | December 21, 2001 06:21 AM

The special edition isn't special if nobody sells a regular edition. Radiohead's third album was their best. Anything at all about pre-pubescent girls is torture for everyone involved. You're only as old as you feel, so grab a twenty-something year old guy and make his day and yours.

Posted by: D | December 21, 2001 07:22 AM

Re radiohead: You are so right. There are exceptions to every rule. Re 20something guy: been there, done that, still doing it.

Posted by: michele | December 21, 2001 07:59 AM

Being sick sucks. SP's third album was one of their best. You can't figure out women, no matter how hard you try. Being sick sucks. Any type of vicks vaporub makes my eyes water.

Posted by: Tim | December 21, 2001 10:57 AM

"Sitting around being depressed" is usually cured by not sitting around. No one is ever "out being active and depressed."

Posted by: Jon | December 21, 2001 11:55 AM

- There are worse people than serial killers - the damage they do usually seems like love for a while.

- There are always exceptions (even to this observation).

- Forgiveness does you far more good than the recipient. The converse is also true.

- Nothing ever works out precisely the way you think it will.

- 98% of my problems are of my own making.

Posted by: Muad'Dib | December 21, 2001 01:47 PM

I've learned if something hurts, don't do it again and don't sweat the small things and don't pet the sweaty thing.

Posted by: Liz | December 21, 2001 02:36 PM

Love it! Like to propose one teeeeny edit:

It's ALWAYS ok to be selfish. Selfishness is our most underrated virtue.

Posted by: ian | December 21, 2001 02:53 PM

don't just question authority. question everything.

eat pie at every opportunity.

sleep is never be overrated.

i'm a dream i'm a dream i'm a dream i'm a nightmare i'm a dream.

Posted by: moof | December 21, 2001 04:22 PM

Love is worth it.

Gary Numan's 3rd album also didn't suck.

That thing about expecations, boy you aren't just whistling Dixie. Hardest lesson I ever learned.

Posted by: Jessica | December 21, 2001 07:33 PM

Judge people by what they do, not by what they say about themselves.

Always be selfish, except when it comes to love.

Don't take crap from anyone.

Sometimes ignoring them won't make them stop, and you have to fight back.

Make a list when you go to the store, because you know you'll forget that one essential thing.

Posted by: Natalie | December 21, 2001 09:01 PM

If any sufficeintly large group of people, most will be idiots.

The best bands never get a recording contract.

Computers do what you tell them to do, not what you want them to do.

Posted by: Chris | December 21, 2001 09:28 PM

Clowns are the Devil. There are no exceptions to this rule and no grey areas. Anyone disagreeing with this rule is an emissary of Satan and should be dismembered and burned before s/he infects anyone else.

Posted by: Davezilla | December 21, 2001 10:23 PM

Add to mine what I learned yesterday:

Lighting a match outside on a very windy day will only result in your hair being set on fire.

On third album thing I was thinking specifically in terms of: Weezer; Life of Agony; Tool (Opiate was an EP, so Lateralus was the 3rd) and Incubus (EP rule applies to Enjoy); so the rule probably doesn't hold as fast as I was implying.

Then again, it's all a matter of opinion.

Posted by: michele | December 22, 2001 02:47 AM

Davezilla is almost correct. Mimes are the Devil. Clowns are just minions of Satan.

Posted by: Chris | December 22, 2001 02:38 PM

Interestingly enough, I had a dream last night that involved clowns, satans and mimes. And Adam Curry.

Posted by: michele | December 22, 2001 05:32 PM

What i learned is that the answer to any question, no matter how cosmic in nature, is simply this. "only on tuesdays". for some reason only tuesday is generaly sufficiant for this phrase.

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