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i'm a perfectionist, and perfect is a skinned knee

i'm a perfectionist, and perfect is a skinned knee

I was driving home from work yesterday, contemplating life and whatnot. I tend to do most of my thinking in two places - the shower and the car. Ok, so most of my thoughts in the car are given to pretending to be my alter-ego, Gridlock Avenger: Superhero of the Roadways and Destroyer of All Who Drive Like Morons. But sometimes I do have a rationale thought or two. And sometimes I am better off without those thoughts.

I realized two things yesterday, in a succession of revelations that caused me to gasp out loud. The first is that Christmas is a week away. One week. I am in such denial. I haven't wrapped a single thing yet. I still have presents to buy. Half of my ornaments are still in a box on the living room floor. There is just no time for Christmas. There is not enough time in the world to do all those fun, crafty things I wanted to do, to share those magic moments with my children, to set the stage for yet another version of The Best Christmas Ever. I have a week left to get all this shit done.

So it really didn't help that the subsequent realization caused me to go into a zombie like trance where I shut down all rationale thought. I am going to be 40 in August. Yea, I just realized that. I know, August is a long way away, but so was Christmas at one point, and it just snuck up behind me and smacked me on the back of the head. I don't want to be 40. I have been a thirty something for so long and I really like it this way. I do not want to give up my 3 for a 4. I feel suddenly old, like I will not be able to excuse my juvenile behavior any longer. That all my talk will have to be about retirement funds and Touched by an Angel and I'll have to trade in my Pantera cds for something more palatable to someone of my age. Maybe Celine Dion. My life basically began in my 30's. Is this where it ends too? Is someone going to knock on my door every day telling me to grow up because I'm 40 years old? Yep, August is still ten months away, so you now have ten months of my midlife angst to look forward to.

Anyhow, I failed to mention yesterday that you should go over and see Miguel at his new digs. The redesign is nice and all, but it seems oh so familiar.....

My secret santa, Kara, got her gift yesterday and she seemed be quite pleased with it. She also has a nice site, so why don't you go visit her? Happy Holidays, Kara!

I'm not even going to touch this story with a ten foot pole. I thrive on controversy and confrontation and healthy debate, by this is one issue that I am going to hang on the sidelines for.

And finally, I took some really nice pictures that I am awfully proud of, too bad my damn scanner won't work. I really think it's an XP issue...I want to go back to 98. Maybe it's Al Qaeda's fault.

It's Wednesday, it's payday, and though the pay won't last long this week, I'm still grateful to have it. I certainly will not be dropping it in the bucket of any Salvation Army bell ringers this week, but I will give them a little dose of this.

And D? Lesbian polar bears aside, I am ready for another day of pouring blood.

Comments

Two bleeding heart liberals against the biggest industrialised nation on the planet? So as Serendipity Man, am I your sidekick Gridlock Avenger, or are you mine?

Who has the biggest ego? Who hates Ashcroft more? Who is secretly the billionaire playboy/girl with deep psychosis from seeing their pets murdered as a kid?

I refuse to be relegated to sidekick. Cant we just be a tandem or a tag-team?

Ego? That would be you, by a long shot.

I am the rolled-up newspaper of Justice, and I will use it to smite the cold, wet nose of Evil.

Yeah, turning 40 sucks, but not nearly as bad as NOT turning 40. It's a survivable condition and you now get to blame juvenile behavior on an early second childhood.

The next decade will rock, so no worries about old age, lifestyle changes, etc. Just keep living, learning and enjoying it all.

Last night I was out having dinner with some friends, to celebrate one's birthday. It occured to me that I could come across as the most mature of the four of us, and I'm 26. Birthday boy turned 39, and the other two are 44 and 50. The 50-year-old is more punk than I could ever hope to be.

What I'm saying is: Don't worry about it. I have glimpsed past the event horizon, and you have nothing to fear. :)

You couldn't possibly be any less special at 40 than you are at 39, so don't sweat it. Besides, 20-somethings and 30-somethings don't have anything on 40-somethings!

Seriously, he's right! We don't! We suck! :)

I'm feeling decidedly less bitter about turning 40. Thanks for the perspective.

Chele, when you turn 40 you're still going to rock. So stop worrying, you're cooler than I'm ever going to be.

i did 40 last year. it sucked. i did 41 this year. it rocked. 41 is better, by a bunch. i'm in my forties now, i can even say that out loud!

i don't miss my thrities. i think i may miss my twenties, but i missed 'em while i was having them, i was so wasted the whole time.

i'm ever so slightly more grown up now, & that's nice.

Well you can't have my twenties, I'm still making the most of them... eight more to go. Aaaaah.

My dad has also been told that his scanner won't work with XP and has yet to hear from the scanner company.As a matter of fact, he hasn't even been able to get XP loaded at all since there are conflicts with mini-apps that run his brand of computer. He says he should have waited to buy a new computer that had XP pre-loaded, instead of what he's gone thru to get it to work. Ahhh, Microsoft - the George Bush of the computing world. - ya gotta love to hate 'em.

We decided to just get rid of XP and go back to 98. Too many conflicts with our applications.

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The believer who has communicated with his god is not merely a man who sees new truths of which the unbeliever is ignorant: he is a man who is 'stronger'. He feels within him more force, either to ensure the trials of existence, or to conquer them. It is as though he were raised above the miseries of the world, because he is raised above his condition as man. by online poker sites