A Small Victory: i'm a perfectionist, and perfect is a skinned knee

i'm a perfectionist, and perfect is a skinned knee

I was driving home from work yesterday, contemplating life and whatnot. I tend to do most of my thinking in two places - the shower and the car. Ok, so most of my thoughts in the car are given to pretending to be my alter-ego, Gridlock Avenger: Superhero of the Roadways and Destroyer of All Who Drive Like Morons. But sometimes I do have a rationale thought or two. And sometimes I am better off without those thoughts.

I realized two things yesterday, in a succession of revelations that caused me to gasp out loud. The first is that Christmas is a week away. One week. I am in such denial. I haven't wrapped a single thing yet. I still have presents to buy. Half of my ornaments are still in a box on the living room floor. There is just no time for Christmas. There is not enough time in the world to do all those fun, crafty things I wanted to do, to share those magic moments with my children, to set the stage for yet another version of The Best Christmas Ever. I have a week left to get all this shit done.

So it really didn't help that the subsequent realization caused me to go into a zombie like trance where I shut down all rationale thought. I am going to be 40 in August. Yea, I just realized that. I know, August is a long way away, but so was Christmas at one point, and it just snuck up behind me and smacked me on the back of the head. I don't want to be 40. I have been a thirty something for so long and I really like it this way. I do not want to give up my 3 for a 4. I feel suddenly old, like I will not be able to excuse my juvenile behavior any longer. That all my talk will have to be about retirement funds and Touched by an Angel and I'll have to trade in my Pantera cds for something more palatable to someone of my age. Maybe Celine Dion. My life basically began in my 30's. Is this where it ends too? Is someone going to knock on my door every day telling me to grow up because I'm 40 years old? Yep, August is still ten months away, so you now have ten months of my midlife angst to look forward to.

Anyhow, I failed to mention yesterday that you should go over and see Miguel at his new digs. The redesign is nice and all, but it seems oh so familiar.....

My secret santa, Kara, got her gift yesterday and she seemed be quite pleased with it. She also has a nice site, so why don't you go visit her? Happy Holidays, Kara!

I'm not even going to touch this story with a ten foot pole. I thrive on controversy and confrontation and healthy debate, by this is one issue that I am going to hang on the sidelines for.

And finally, I took some really nice pictures that I am awfully proud of, too bad my damn scanner won't work. I really think it's an XP issue...I want to go back to 98. Maybe it's Al Qaeda's fault.

It's Wednesday, it's payday, and though the pay won't last long this week, I'm still grateful to have it. I certainly will not be dropping it in the bucket of any Salvation Army bell ringers this week, but I will give them a little dose of this.

And D? Lesbian polar bears aside, I am ready for another day of pouring blood.

A Small Victory

i'm a perfectionist, and perfect is a skinned knee

Comments