A Small Victory

Questions from Karla

1. What's with the "Come experience my dark muffins." thing in the header of your blog page?

I try to change my title bar at least once a week. I like to see if anyone is paying attention. "Come experience my dark muffins" is what is says on my Lenore lunch box.

2. Do you have any nicknames? If so, who gave them to you and why?

Some people call me Chele. Oddly it's only friends I have online who call me that. Otherwise, the only other nickname I ever had was bestowed upon me by my ex husband and rhymes with ducken hunt.

3. What is the one place in the world you want to visit the most, and why?

Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. I don't know why. It's been a dream of mine since high school.

4. You get to write your own epitaph. What does it say?

Learned. Loved. Lived.

5. You're being forced to move to another city, and it can't be in the same state as you are in now. Where do you move to?

East Stroudsburgh, PA. Rural, quiet and cozy. And there's an Arby's.

6. What is your favorite movie?

Not possible to answer this question. Ranking up there would be Star Wars and Empire (no, not Jedi); Leon (The Professional); Die Hard, Last Boy Scout, Shrek, Dusk to Dawn and a whole slew of others, depending on my mood. Anything with Gary Oldman (except Lost in Space).

7. What is the one book that you would wait in line to buy the sequel for?

I am waiting for a fourth book in the His Dark Materials trilogy. I've read the first three and I heard there will be a fourth. Also, a sequel to Good Omens would be faboo, albeit probably unworkable.

8. Have you named any of your possessions? (car, computer, etc.) If yes, what are they called, if no, why not?

My car ( a Ford Explorer) is named Dexter. I bought it a last April and the first song I played in it was Offspring's "Bad Habit" and I've been calling it Dexter ever since, even though Dexter Holland is a wuss. My computer is often called "son of a bitch" and my vibrator is called "love muffin."

9. What genre of music and musical artist do you dislike the most, and why?

I went into a whole thing about what music I like before I realized that said DISLIKE. Excellent. I hate rapcore. I hate nu metal. With a passion. Papa Roach, Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park: take them all, shove

them in a sewer and let them sit there until rancid, fecid water chokes them to death. And let Fred Durst die first. It's nothing more than cookie cutter white boy teen angst, overproduced and overhyped. They are boy bands, people! Boy bands for the kids too cool to like NsYnc and too hung up on popularity to discover the good, non-MTV bands out there. Nu Metal is killing rock. Killing it. Slowly. With their song.

10. It's the last meal you can ever have... what do you have and why?

I'd sit at a big long table with 12 good friends, eating fruit and bread and wine and cheese and wondering which one was going to betray me.

And D's questions:

1. A small South American tree frog, a cyborg space-monkey with amnesia and a Botswanan telephone exchange operator are all in line for a job working as your PA. You get to make the final decision, which one do you chose and why?

The space monkey, of course. I have had experience with space monkeys and I find them to be dependable, reliable and fun to torture.

2. What sort of tattoo would you force Justin to get?

On his forehead, backwards, the words: Garbage goes out Tuesday and Thursday evenings. Recycling goes out Sunday evening.

3. Stuck on a tropical island in the middle of a jungle late at night you only have enough batteries for an hour with a flashlight, thirty minutes of Faith No More or five minutes vibrator power, which and why?

Who needs the vibrator when I can just have a Faith No Moregasm?

4. What were your initial fears about blogging? Do you have stalkers like Tian on Davezilla?

I feared that people would find me banal, idiotic and boring. Case closed. Unfortunately I have no stalkers. And if I did, they would have to apply and Tian would not be acceptable.

5. Speaking of Davezilla, does he have any moles or interesting birthmarks you can talk about?

Oh, man. I am so glad you asked that. I've been dying to tell someone about the fetus growing out the back of his head.

6. If you were to grade your blog on a scale of 1 to 26, with 1 being the best you ever read and 26 being the worst... how would you rate?

Totally unfair, asking someone to grade their own blog. I suppose I would give it somewhere around a 15 or so, and that's not being self-deprecating or anything like that. I just sincerely believe that in the

world of great, interesting, well-written blogs, I am rank a bit low on the ladder.

7. Have you ever noticed when digging out belly-button fluff that it causes weird feelings inside?

Well I used to notice that. Since I had that tubal ligation, my belly button seems to have lost its feeling.

8. Which dollar bill should have Dubya's head on it? Y'know... as a paperweight.

3 dolla bill y'all.

9. If you were standing before the man who grants super powers and he said you cheated on the test and were going to get the choice between radioactive earwax, the power to tie cherry stalks with your tongue or one of those stumpy little Corgi tails that serve no purpose... which would you pick?

Oh, if I could get Bob the Corgi's tail I would be so happy! Never mind that it has no powers. It's Bob's! And that cherry stalk tying trick

is SO overrated. Try tying dicks into knots with your tongue. Now that's talent.

10. You're standing at the foot of the Tower of Babel as God destroys it and it lands on you. What do you say to that?

Nothing. I've been rendered mute.

11. Five years from now your kids demand a new videogame with even more sex and violence than the last one, they also want the special virtual reality headsets and "attachments" that go with them. Buy it for them, don't buy it for them or buy it for yourself?

Will it keep them busy for a few hours so I can blog in peace? Will it cost more than my weekly paycheck? Is it available for Dreamcast?

12. What's the food of love and how do you prepare it?

The food of love is kindness and empathy and laughter. Prepare it with heavy doses of tolerance and wild, unadulterated sex.

13. Complete the following: A is to B as Michele is to...

Billegible.

14. Its murder on the dance floor, but you're not dancing, why not?

I don't want to be implicated.

And finally;

15. Your readers are aware by now, Michele, that justice and good governance are important issues for you. With regard to illicitly acquired assets recovered pursuant to the United Nations Convention against Corruption which shall be disposed of in accordance with domestic law: when acting on

where appropriate, consider requiring that all or a portion of the assets recovered be used to support anti-corruption initiatives and programmes?

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