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The Kazaams

A Fire Inside presents: The 1st Annual Kazaam Award

As the year winds down, I'm compiling my thoughts and grievances for a year-end entertainment wrap-up. Best, worst, etc. I will also be giving out an award this year. I have given this award (in my mind, at least) ever since 1996, when I dragged my kids to the movie theater to see "Kazaam." That year I initiated the "I Want My 7 dollars and Two Hours of My Life Back" award for whatever movie/tv show/cd/book that came out during the year which I feel was a blatant misuse of my time and brainpower.

Awards will be given in the categories of movies, television, music, literature and whatever else you come up with. I'm not picky. You may nominate more than one person in each category. Hell, you can nominate just about every movie that came out this year.

So for today, what is your nomination for the 1st Annual Kazaam Award for worst entertainment offering of 2001?


The Doom Generation

No, shut up. I don't care what year it was made, it's the worst piece of crap on any format ever.

Oh fine... what did I waste my time watching this year... um... Christina Aguilera turn from pop-goddess contender to cheap slut, The Sixth Day which was released in the UK in 2001, I only read Glamorama this year so I'm nominating it. Can I nominate Glitter without having actually seen it yet?

Hands down, no doubt whatsoever, the biggest waste of time I've ever seen is Planet of the Apes 2001.

I've only seen more cheese in the supermarket.

My award goes to Jennifer Lopez (I refuse to call her by her "gang" name). She has lowered the collective IQ of our nation to an all time low. What other explaination could there possibly be for selling so many units other than the fact that 85% of the free world is dumber than a bag of hair and has a fat wallet/purse? Also the fact that she lip synchs everything, can't act, and is thee uber-diva to end all uber-divas makes her the front runner for the Shazaam award.

The prize in this category goes to Highlander II: The Quickening, first seen in the theatres when it came out. I collapsed in a seizure from laughter at the end. Damn was that movie awful.

Oh. Also, the movie "Whipped" made fucking "Police Academy 12" look like "Citizen Kane". Its been awhile since I walked out of a movie wanting to throw myself in front of a speeding bus out of disdain for pop culture. This was that movie.

the legend of bagger vance. also, whatever road racing movie from the summer. i think i blocked it out as it was the worst movie ever.

Did Boiler Room come out this year? Had the thinnest plot and some pretty bad acting, Was very disappointed after it came recommended from a friend - who admittedly LUVS every movie that comes out.

I'd say the Cell, but I only want two or three dollars back for that. And did it come out this year or last? (That should tell you how often I go to the movies.)

"gone [from the theater] in sixty seconds". that would be my pick. is that what you were thinking of, jocelyn? oh, and also, most definitely, "pay it forward" or, as i like to call it: "i see burnt people."

Castaway. I want my three hours back.

Let's see... I really hated 'Chocolat'... but not as much as I hated 'Quills'... Oh, but the winner for crappy ass movie that should be flown to the moon and left there, this year for me it has to be 'Serendipity.' Ten pounds of saccharine shit in a five pound movie.

But Quills has the line, "Well-worth the dig." You have no idea how much mileage I got from that single line.