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tis the season to beat the shit out of people

tis the season to beat the shit out of people

I think I got all my Christmas shopping done. Two days, a whole bunch of stores and $900 later (not including the 300 I spent at Amazon) I have had it. My great finds for the day inlcuded two things that aren't holiday gifts. A Nightmare Before Christmas metal lunchbox, complete with thermos, for myself, and the very last Optimus Prime in Toys R Us, and possibly in all of Long Island. Mr. Prime is headed to England this week, a gift for the very wonderful D. No less than 5 people accosted me in the aisles of Toys R Us, trying to get the toy out of my cart.

Have I mentioned that I hate people? I especially hate people who let their kids run around a crowded store as if they had the right to be knocking into people. You don't want to be bothered watching your kid? Leave him home, then. And don't get me started on the woman I saw changing her baby's diaper on the floor in the skateboard aisle. And the cell phones. You want to yack away with your sister in Jersey about the price of toys? Fine. Don't do it while you are blocking the aisle with your fat ass. And don't give me a dirty look when I ask you to move.

The parking lots. Oy. I am surprised I haven't killed anyone yet today. Or at least ram my car into someone's nice shiny Lexus SUV. When people are ready to draw blood over parking spots, intentionally taking up two of them makes you more hated than bin Laden. Next time, I key your car. I don't care if it's juvenile. You are a selfish, smug prick. I saw you when you came out of the store. I saw you in your way too tight jeans and extra long cigarette. And I know you not only did not strap your little kid in, but you let him sit in the front seat even though you have an airbag. Do you not read the papers? Apparently not, because if you did you would know that it is now illegal to talk on a cell phone while driving. You are lucky my boyfriend stopped me from following you because I think I would have dragged you out of the car by your bleach blond hair, beat you to a pulp and then told your kid that you don't care about him.

Ok. Done with rant. I am not going back to a store again until Christmas is over. Right now, I am going to make some hot chocolate with tons of whipped cream and hint of rum.


Wow. Aren't yuppies the scum of the earth?

They're being replaced by webbie elitists. Or so the unborn chicken voices in my head tell me.

Chele, WHERE did you get that lunchbox?!?!

A place called Amok Time. It is the godliest of all stores, ever.

AH! dammiut, i don't think there are any of those around here :-/ And that would so be the perfect Christmas present for someone. BLARG.

I honestly don't know how I lived before I found you michelle. Man you rock.

I honestly don't know how I lived before I found you michelle. Man you rock.

YES! Down with people! Up with anti-socialism! I'm with you all the way on that one... now get lost. ;)

Does anti-socialism mean I don't get my Optimus Prime?

Adore, v.:
To venerate expectantly.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
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