The cable guy(s) came today. But before I get to how I love my new digital cable so much that I would have sex with it, I need to talk about the cable guys.
Usually there is one cable guy. He comes, he bitches and moans about how many wires are running through my house, does his job and leaves without so much as a good-bye. So tonight, the requisite one cable guy shows up. He was this happy, peppy young man with a smile so big and wide I thought he had been smoking something. He comes in, looks around, mumbles about my wires and cracks some really bad jokes. He laughs at his own jokes. He asks me for a drink, uses my bathroom and then proceeds to talk on his two-way for a bit. He says a cable guy buddy of his just got done with a job and is going to come over and help him.
Twenty minutes later, there are four cable guys sitting in the living room with us. It's their after-work party, I guess, and I offer to order some pizza while they hook up my digital cable. I was sort of joking. So we sit, we talk about the Packers and the Giants and Windows XP and how much MTV sucks. We trade stupid kid trick stories, and all the while they are working to get my cable going.
The box is finally hooked up, they explain how to work the keyboard and remote, how many channels I get, etc. They clean up, but they don't leave. They stayed another half hour, as if they were old friends and we were having them over for drinks. I had visions of some bizarre houseguest invasion, the cable guys who would never leave. I wanted them out so I could play with my new digital cable!
Finally, they leave. Justin and I are alone with the majestic, orgasmic, beautiful digital cable box. I can now:
- Watch any episode of Oz, Arli$$, Six Feet Under and Band of Brothers I want, whenever I want
- Pause, fast forward and rewind those episodes
- Pick and choose from about 300 movies I can watch on demand, for free
- Listen to my choice of 50 specialized radio channels. The metal channel plays real metal, not Linkin Park
- Watch a hockey game with 6 different camera angles to choose from, including the Lindros cam
- Get more channels, including ESPN Classic, Biography, Discovery Kids and Toon Disney, which I am hoping shows reruns of Darkwing Duck
- Get more public access channels. You can never have enough public access channels. They are always unintentionally funny.
Right now I am watching a Pennywise concert that was on HBO a while ago, but I missed. Between the computer and the tv, I may never leave the living room. Not that I did, anyhow. I'm gonna go get ready to turn on my Lindros cam.