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epilogue

epilogue

I think when I wrote the post below, I knew. I knew at that moment, like I've known all along, that he would never leave and I would never ask him to. There's too much good between us to make those instances of doubt anything but what they are: two people with the same personality trying to get the other to listen.

What happens when two people with the same emotional qualities get into a tight spot is that no give and take happens. We both give or we both take. We both react to each other's words the same way. Neither wants to give in, neither wants to let up. We are really fighting with an extension of ourselves. When he speaks, I hear my own feelings coming out of his mouth and sometimes it scares me when he articulates my own fears.

It amounts to stress and outside forces making small swells in the ocean appear to be tidal waves. We duck and run for cover and even when the wave disipates, we still insist it was bigger than it was. We get stuck in a moment. This time the moment lasted longer than usual. There was no quick resolution, no frantic hug, no apologies being thrown about by both of us. It threw us off balance and we reacted to that.

When I went back and read what I wrote in the previous post, I realized I would never accept that. I would never accept that fate so blindly and without a fight. What I didn't know was that he read it too, and had the same reaction. So we talked about it.

We do have some issues to work out. But we decided that whatever issues there are, we will face them and deal with them. We have too much invested in each other, too much of our hearts given out, to just drop everything and run when the going gets rough. When I asked myself that age old question, "would I be better off with or without him?" my mind wouldn't even accept the without him idea.

In a way, today was a good thing. We were able to talk about things that we always pushed under our plates. Some of the things made me sad and some made me sorry but in the end it makes us better.

I've never really written about our relationship on this blog. This is probably the most personal post I have ever published, and as such it is not polished or edited or reviewed for clarity. It's just me talking. I feel kind of strange, opening an intimate part of my life to people like this. But I started this blog as a way to express myself. I feel like most of you are friends, and when I write here about something like this, I'm just talking to my friends. So thank you. Thanks for listening and thanks for being a friend when I need one.

Comments

Good for you for not giving up.

why are you blogging? haven't you ever heard of "makeup sex"?!?!? almost as good as "conjugal visit" sex!

Whew. ... And I gotta agree about the mad monkey makeup sex. Get out of here!

I still really like you.

What is sex?

Sounds like when I argue with myself. Damn my 50% German 25%Irish and 25 % Scott ancestry.....I need a beer. Where the hell did I put it. By the way, Ed says that the Diamond Backs deserved to win. (ed=leduntitled.com)

Charles, sex is when a mommy person and a daddy person like each other very very much, and they start by holding hands, and then they kiss maybe... then he throws her roughly down onto the bed, tearing her blouse open and...

and that's enough from me.

That lesson brought to you by the same person who screams at me to stop if I even mention the s-e-x word to him. And here I thought you were a prude, D.

so that's where I've beeen going wrong - i've never slept with a mommy/daddy person before...weird...where do these ppl hang out?

I was hanging out on the corner of 5th and....nevermind.

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