A Small Victory

peace, love and boiled body parts

Maybe lack of sleep has mellowed me out a bit. Maybe I'm too tired to feel my usual aggressive self. And maybe everything has added up to make a big old apathetic slug.

There were things that happened today that normally, especially on a Monday, would make me react with the fury of a beast. Not today. Today I let it all go. I just didn't care.

There was the incident getting off the elevator at work this morning. I ran into someone I knew. No, not a prisoner this time. It was an attorney. He was the first person I dated after my divorce. To say I would like to slowly kill him with a rusty knife and then boil his body parts would be putting it mildly. I knew I would meet up with him again someday, and I had a speech ready made and prepared. When the day came, I would skewer him, hopefully in front of a client. But when I saw him today, I felt nothing. No anger, no seething hatred, just apathy. He called my name, came towards me as I was stepping off the elevator and mumbled something about owing me an explanation. This is 4 years later, folks. Statute of limitations has passed on this one. So instead of standing there listening to him and waiting for my blood to boil, instead of screaming at him or lunging at him with a ballpoint pen aimed for his heart and shouting out what a lousy fuck he was anyhow, I stepped back into the elevator and pushed the button to close the door. I never said a word, I never made eye contact with him. I went back downstairs and took a different way up to my office. I think I felt better for not saying anything than I would have if I lashed out at him for something that happened so long ago.

There were instances of horrible drivers today, one of whom called me a bitch because I beeped at him when he was too busy kissing his girlfriend at a green light to move his ass out of the intersection. I looked at him when he mouthed his insult to me, and all I could muster to give back was a weak smile that was aiming to be snide. I just didn't have the energy to hurl insults back at him.

There was the usual Monday mix of idiot co-workers and files on my desk that didn't belong there and general mayhem. But I said nothing. Just went about my work, quietly and peaceful like.

Did I mention I brought Krispy Kreme donuts to work today? Maybe that's the secret. Maybe one hot, glazed Kripsy Kreme donut is all it takes to bring me inner peace and tranquility.

Let's see how long this lasts. I hear my arch-enemy, the coffee grubber, making his way down the hall now.

Think. Good. Thoughts.