Open letter to the waitress we had tonight at Margarita's:
You may be wondering why your tip was so small. Allow me to explain.
It's very nice that your establishment requires their staff to dress up for Halloween. It sure does add a festive touch to the place. And I must say, your slinky cat costume was quite attractive on you. But I do not think it was really necessary to get into full character by swishing your tail at every male customer. Especially when we were waiting for you to take our order while you were doing this. And shoving your tits in my boyfriend's face was above and beyond the call of duty. As much as you may wish it to be the case, you do not work at Hooters.
So while you were flirting with the table near the back of the room, we were quietly sitting, waiting for at least a glass of water to appear on the table. And you may like to know that those two friends of mine you were playing kitty-kat with, Steve and Ellis, are gay. They are just much more polite than me and didn't want to be rude by explaining that your tits and your ass mean nothing to them.
Now, I could have withstood the sexually charged behavior if it were not for the horrible service. Hell, if you did your job properly, I may have even flirted with you. All the times you kept us waiting for your attention, you were giving it to men without girlfriends. I meant nothing to you. I was hurt. You dissed me because I don't have a dick and you dissed my boyfriend because his is obviously being used. You made us wait way too long for our drinks, for our dinner and for the check.
I was going to chalk it up to a bad experience, and just give you the 15% but not my customary 20% and up. That is, until you gave us the check without asking if we wanted coffee (which we did) and proceeded to park your ass on the lap of the mullet-headed man behind and purr in his ear. And then you asked him if he wanted coffee.
I would have let your boss know about your rude behavior, but he was too busy adjusting the crotch on his Santa Claus costume to pay attention to us.
So if you are wondering why you got a four dollar tip on a 50 dollar check, the reason is not only rude, inconsiderate service, it's also because I thought your tits were too saggy for that shirt.