The Day After
The Post I was trying to make before Dreamhost tanked on me this morning
Two days in a row that I slept passed 7:00. Another day that my schedule is messed up. You know that schedule I have...the one that I never follow but it feels safe to have.
I dreamed last night that none of this ever happened. That it was September 10, and I kept waking up every day to another September 10. But I knew. I was the only person who knew what the next day would bring, if it would ever come. I was the ony one who knew what the people in this perpetual September 10 were escaping, and no matter how I tried I could not convince them that this was the last day they would feel safe. I thought of going down to the WTC and warning everyone but I kept falling asleep, within the dream, and waking up to morning again. And each time I woke, it was with the fear that this Groundhog Day magic had worn off and it would be September 11 all over again. When I finally woke for real, I had to get up and make sure what the date was.
My kids made it home safe from their trip to the city yesterday. They called last night and said their grandmas had taken them over to Ground Zero. I had mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I thought my mother is crazy, why would she take children to see that? But on the other hand, I thought maybe it was good for them to see. Even though it hit us personally, the tragedy is still far removed for them. As children, they are able to distance themselves from things they don't want to think about or comprehend. Once they are out with friends or in front of the Playstation, everything else disappears. Maybe seeing it made it real for them. On the other hand (yea, I have three hands) why do they need to make it real? Why can't we let them live in their little cocoons until they are older and have no choice but to see the world for what it really is? My mother said Natalie just looked and didn't say anything, which is typical as she internalizes everything. She will come home and write something in her journal and never talk about it again. But DJ stared at the remains of Tower 5 for a long time then looked at my mother and said, "They were just working. They were just minding their own business."